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Teen Poetry #7
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cherrys_rule
Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 442


0 posted 2006-07-22 10:07 PM



You Don't Notice Me Anymore

through the cracks of your gaze
I’ve seen candlelight fades
licking like a flaming tongue
ashes and smoke
there was the absence
of rainbow, but a fog hangs
it girded me
lacy sash of vapors
as a parched desert, it didn’t make
much difference
i've fallen to the
shadows.

© Copyright 2006 cherrys_rule - All Rights Reserved
stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
1 posted 2006-07-22 11:54 PM


Hey cherrys_rule,girded me

Great poem! Not my favorite, favorite, by you, but I loved reading this.

The word choices are what really got me though, how you used "vapors" and "girded". These are not words you see much now days,
it's nice to see them in this though...

"I’ve seen candlelight fades
licking like a flaming tongue
ashes and smoke
there was the absence"


I loved this part, comparisons to fire are always a favorite of mine. I must be a pyro... lol

Thanks for sharing


@-->---

rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
2 posted 2006-07-23 02:43 AM


thats ok stargal, i think it adds to the poem using fire also.

but very good poem, i loved your choice of words i think that was amazing, nice imagery

cherrys_rule
Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 442

3 posted 2006-07-23 01:05 PM


Thanks you two. I was just really bored that day. So i decided to go back time and pick out words from the past.
broken_smile1469
Member
since 2006-07-02
Posts 104

4 posted 2006-07-23 05:13 PM


hey i really liked this poem nice write! Great Job!

"in a world of cheerios, be a fruit loop"

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