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Passions in Poetry

It Happens

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Tempest
Member
since 04-28-2006
Posts 246
dont eat paint chips!!!!


0 posted 07-21-2006 04:57 PM       View Profile for Tempest   Email Tempest   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Tempest


Why did the last breath hurt the most
Im still trying to think
Why im feeling dead inside
Theres only so much I can take

You pushed me untill i was at the edge
With ten inches left to go
I finally break from the inside
I just thought id let you know

You pushed me to my death
Thank you so much for your care
You left me at the bottom
While I still gasped for air

Longing for the life you broke
It burned out like matches
I wish I could start again
But all I have is ashes


© Copyright 2006 Bryan Girton - All Rights Reserved
Mandy07
New Member
since 07-20-2006
Posts 4


1 posted 07-21-2006 09:09 PM       View Profile for Mandy07   Email Mandy07   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for Mandy07

Your message of this poem was hidden very deep in your words and I had to read it several times to understand it -which adds  mystery to the piece. Overall good write!

cherrys_rule
Member
since 03-18-2006
Posts 446


2 posted 07-21-2006 09:16 PM       View Profile for cherrys_rule   Email cherrys_rule   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for cherrys_rule

I don't see a mystery in this poem. All I see is a very emotional poem. This was a very interesting poem though. I thought it was very good.

~Trapped in this thing called life~
oh_my_goshijustgotexcited
Member
since 07-12-2006
Posts 54
USA, IDAHO


3 posted 07-22-2006 02:09 AM       View Profile for oh_my_goshijustgotexcited   Email oh_my_goshijustgotexcited   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for oh_my_goshijustgotexcited

Tempest...you are an amazing poet! thats all i have to say! great write, cant wait to see more!

Viola

stargal
Senior Member
since 03-06-2006
Posts 1350
OR USA


4 posted 07-23-2006 12:14 AM       View Profile for stargal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stargal

"You pushed me to my death
Thank you so much for your care
You left me at the bottom
While I still gasped for air"


How sad... I loved this poem though! It is now one of my favorites by you... I thought it was very good, yet, i also didn't see the mystery, i must be very dense?

I liked how, in the stanza above, you "thanked" the person for pushing you over the edge. It was an interesting twist, ironic sarcasm... I loved that!

I also liked the ending in this poem a lot, it was a nice wrap up job to make it all fit together...

Thanks for sharing, this was an amazing write  


@-->---
broken_smile1469
Member
since 07-02-2006
Posts 104


5 posted 07-23-2006 05:18 PM       View Profile for broken_smile1469   Email broken_smile1469   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for broken_smile1469

hey i LOVE this poem! i love all of your poems! you are a great poet keep writing!!!! hope to see more by you
synthetic
Member
since 06-10-2006
Posts 62
ontario, canada


6 posted 07-23-2006 09:21 PM       View Profile for synthetic   Email synthetic   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for synthetic

I truly felt the melancholy of your words through the first line. It contained; the death, the life, the pain that you spoke of throughout the remainder of your poem. Well done.
the_girl_next_door
Senior Member
since 02-26-2006
Posts 590
USA


7 posted 07-23-2006 11:23 PM       View Profile for the_girl_next_door   Email the_girl_next_door   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for the_girl_next_door

Not a mystery at all.. I loved it.. I agree, you are a great poet with wonderful talent.. keep it up.. I enjoy your poetry..

~heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

Mandy07
New Member
since 07-20-2006
Posts 4


8 posted 07-30-2006 12:06 AM       View Profile for Mandy07   Email Mandy07   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for Mandy07

I know why I was the only one that saw mystery.   So... now that I have read it nevermind.
Mandy07
New Member
since 07-20-2006
Posts 4


9 posted 07-30-2006 12:07 AM       View Profile for Mandy07   Email Mandy07   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for Mandy07

I know why I was the only one that saw mystery.   So... now that I have read it AGAIN  nevermind.
pip_man
Member
since 07-15-2006
Posts 70
Canada


10 posted 07-30-2006 06:09 PM       View Profile for pip_man   Email pip_man   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for pip_man

Hey. I thought this was an amazing poem! I understand how you msut have been feeling when you wrote this poem.

"You left me at the bottom
While I still gasped for air"

I thought this was the best part of the poem! Great write! hope to see more.
nostalgic*pride
Member
since 08-23-2006
Posts 121
NowhereVille


11 posted 09-13-2006 11:24 AM       View Profile for nostalgic*pride   Email nostalgic*pride   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nostalgic*pride

I know this is a bit older, but I have to say that this poem is truly amazing. Just like... well, all your others.
cherrys_rule
Member
since 03-18-2006
Posts 446


12 posted 09-14-2006 02:47 PM       View Profile for cherrys_rule   Email cherrys_rule   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for cherrys_rule

Man this was an awsome poem. I love your work. Everytime I read your poems they are always related to my life. I would love to see more from you in the future. Thanks for sharing.
               Courtney
Tempest
Member
since 04-28-2006
Posts 246
dont eat paint chips!!!!


13 posted 10-30-2006 08:36 PM       View Profile for Tempest   Email Tempest   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Tempest

i dont feel like re-typing this, so ill just post on it so  it goes to the top. i want more people to read this poem. hooray for lazy people!

This is the only life you have, so live it to be remembered

 
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