»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #7
»
Mind Games to the 3rd Degree
| Teen Poetry #7 |
|
Mind Games to the 3rd Degree |
|
|
The Shadow in Blue Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 493EL, Michigan 
|
Mind Games to the 3rd Degree At the twilight of the night at the summer's peak of heat sat a teen in the dark her eyes strained with sleep and blood with lower lids shadowed in black The tv screen in the background glowing against her raccoon eyes peaking with flecks of blue peeled wide open like in a vice further causing a strain of pain She closed her eyes tightly clamped rubbing her temples with thoughts of sleep feeling a wave of jumbled thoughts all to fast to comprehend like a hurricane or war of sorts All a messy collage of chaos simply put a brutal punch like a push towards the obscure but without a map or light wandering aimlessly in the dark Until finally her mind gave way and the pounding in her head had ceased with limbs all lax she smiled lazily with a sparkle in her eyes her heavy lids closed,contented at last [This message has been edited by The Shadow in Blue (07-21-2006 10:39 AM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2006 Jill Slamka - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
cherrys_rule Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 442 |
Man I like this alot. It took some time to read it and understand it. But I liked it. Good job. ~Trapped in this thing called life~ |
||
|
stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey The shadow in blue, Awesome poem by you! It’s about time you posted something too; I’ve missed reading what you’ve written… "Until finally her mind gave way and the pounding in her head had ceased with limbs all lax she smiled lazily with a sparkle in her eyes her heavy lids closed,contented at last" This stanza was my favorite, mostly because of the ending line. It just brought the whole poem together so well, made it fit in every way. Yet, it wasn’t a boring ending, it was more… interesting? Than anything else I enjoyed reading this poem. Although, I felt that the flow in this wasn’t as good as some of your other poems I’ve read, no offence, but it seemed kind of stiff in parts. Maybe that is just me sometimes it is, especially late at night… By the way, I’m not sure if I’ve ever said this before, but I enjoy your poems a lot because of their descriptiveness, the word choices, not unusual words yet ones that are complex enough that it makes the poem interesting. The descriptiveness is what really captures me though, the imagery I get in my head makes me want to read your poems over and over again and I must say that I think you got both of those two things down just right in this poem… Thanks so much for sharing!  @-->--- |
||
|
The Shadow in Blue Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 493EL, Michigan |
cherrys_rule- Thanks for taking the time to read and understand my ode to the perfect headache (heh...allusion to The Perfect Storm..lol) Stargal- Sorry for the slight delay in posting, but my muse has been on vacation somewhere in the Caribbean. I can understand where the flow comment comes into play because the more I read it the more I realize I shouldn't write when God is smiting my head to the oblivion...Oh and one more thing, thanks for taking the time to actually read my poems-I really appreciate that.   ^_^ J. |
||
|
kin3tix Junior Member
since 2006-07-05
Posts 17Somewhere wondering... |
Awesome poem  I've been there and done that. I love the wording you use, it seems simple... yet complex. Nice to see another person from Michigan here  |
||
|
The Shadow in Blue Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 493EL, Michigan |
Thanks for comment and welcome to p.i.p. kin3tix. So your from Michigan too-sweet- . Then you must know how great the weather has been lately..sheesh...the one thing I hate about summer is the humidity. I'll be looking for your poems.^_^ ~J. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
