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Teen Poetry #7
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the In Between
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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the In Between |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
I was in a random mood when i wrote this , so i decided to write a poem about purgatory\heaven\hell The in between both good and bad, a memory on which no one wants to dwell Purgatory, for those certain people. So horrible Thrown out of heaven, kicked out of earth, out ranking Satan, dropped out of hell The place for people of the worst, so terrible This is their punishment for every one of their crimes Where eternally they suffer, without mercy Not once given a break, paying up until the end of time This is where they come, all the psycho freaks The greatest evil, those one of a kinds Darkest hearts, which are too cold to even, feel In their souls no humanness will you find Evils in horror stories, who would think, Real? Purgatory, the place not either Where the deepest hurt exists Not heaven,nor hell, its neither everywhere, no worse than this Flames of hell, lick the chosen’s legs Light carefree air taunts them of what could have been Mortal pleasures, their deepest regrets Sadly, even the very ground they walk on hates them The darkest evil from greatest depths Lives among them, making them pay They don’t stop, not even in their death So many of them realize, by the day Guilt is sweeping among the caged Pulling them down, hurting them deep Fighting this new feeling, war is waged The less hardened hearts begin to weep For the ones who have no more soul Here to stay, for all the centuries Stuck here forever, eternal parole In this haunted house, this Purgatory Those who are trapped can think in sorrow That for them there is no way out of tomorrow. Doomed to what was given to pay their debt In the in between they stay, caught in a net. |
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| © Copyright 2006 rhia_5779 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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oh_my_goshijustgotexcited Member
since 2006-07-12
Posts 52USA, IDAHO |
very...interesting! i kinda had a hard time following it, at times! very good use of words. little bit long...but eh! i have never been into long poems. lol nice job though! Viola |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey rhia, Interesting poem! I haven’t really seen people dedicate whole poems to heaven/hell/purgatory, so I liked seeing this, it was kind of refreshing? Weird to see how much our perspectives vary from person to person… Although, I must agree I felt this was kind of confusing in parts, because, or at least I think, you jump around a lot in this, no offence. Just sometimes you talk about one thing and than you don’t finish that subject and you’re off into another! Confusing for me… the flow didn’t impress me much either, it was okay I guess, just not one of my favorites by you. Umm, also, no offence, I might’ve said this before, but you would get more replies, I believe, if some of your poems were shorter, I kind of like the in between middle length, other people like the long, but still more people like the short faster reads. I think that a lot of people on pip either like the short or the medium, not really into the long, no offence again… That’s just a thought though. “Guilt is sweeping among the caged Pulling them down, hurting them deep Fighting this new feeling, war is waged The less hardened hearts begin to weep” I loved this stanza; it’s hard to choose though because there are 2-3 stanzas I really liked. So I’m just putting this one up as one of my favorites! The first three lines in this are my especial favorites. I just loved how you described them, as “caged” it was neat. Thanks so much for sharing  @-->--- |
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