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leads the way
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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leads the way |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
A halo of light, leads the way A path to follow, every day Years ago, encrypted in stone That those of this, walk alone A different faith, a different life Diverse hope, look through my eyes See how it is, see how it has been Do you understand, we can never win? Motivated by the past, driven forward by the future As time goes, the light dims, but not forgotten before. How each time, darkness, before a reign of light. Learning to adapt, changing for different times A sliver of life, drop of hope sends us on Hate of being different, from it evil spawns When life pushes us pitfalls Still we rise to brethrens calls Supporting each other, through the times of despair Even instead of happiness when there’s nothing but fear If those ones who spit, on us, our lifestyle, needs help Even how they wronged, we’ll offer aid so, all can be well The rules we follow, great gifts bestowed From who we worship, a warrior’s code, Lines in our script, the world is our play We walk a fine line, the warriors’ way We are protectors, fighting for what we believe Then there are the people, who live in peace, Even so different, we are one and same In that inside of us, we harbor a Flame [This message has been edited by rhia_5779 (07-18-2006 12:22 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 rhia_5779 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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oh_my_goshijustgotexcited Member
since 2006-07-12
Posts 52USA, IDAHO |
very nice poem, i was kinda confused on the rhyming thing, but all in all very good and very emotional! keep it up cant wait to see more loves and hugs Viola |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey rhia, Sorry it has taken me so long to reply to these, and even now I can only reply to one, but I will reply to more soon... Okay, I agree with the other person who posted on this, that it was a very nice poem but also that the rhythm, for me, was kind of goofy, no offence. I couldn't seem to find the flow, I'm not sure why, but it seemed stiff and choppy in parts... Also, some of the wording in the stanzas were confusing. Like you would put something in stanza1 (for example, i'm not sure what stanzas it was but...) and than you would put something different. It wouldn't make sense, it just confused me. I might be the only one that feels like that though, but i thought i would point it out just in case... This stanza, "Motivated by the past, driven forward by the future As time goes, the light dims, but not forgotten before. How each time, darkness, before a reign of light. Learning to adapt, changing for different times" I loved this, one of my favorites. The first line mostly, how it talks about "you" being motivated by past events yet driven by what is in store. I loved your choice of words in this stanza, it was amazing to me... Thanks for sharing, I will post more on the others later  @-->--- |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
Wow.. this is such a great poem.. I can really relate.. like right now.. but it's kinda like a life and death thing.. but great job.. I wouldn't really change the idea of the poem at all.. I LOVED IT>> ~Heather~  Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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