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Teen Poetry #7
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Hidden Feelings
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Hidden Feelings |
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broken_smile1469 Member
since 2006-07-02
Posts 104
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Why do I feel so afraid? When will I be ok? I fear the thought of being alone But yet the truth is still not shown They don’t know I feel this way They don’t know I am afraid I hide my feelings from the world I’m yet just another sad and lonely girl But I keep my feelings hidden Deep within my heart Where am I supposed to go? These feelings, When will I be able to show? Love will find a way To get into my heart And until that perfect day Broken, my heart will stay Someday my love will love me to Like in my dreams the days I’ll get through Someday I’ll make my feelings known Someday the world will see, they’ll be shown "in a world of cheerios, be a fruit loop" |
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| © Copyright 2006 Miranda Nelson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! |
this was cool. I liked the way you put it. You made me feel the emotion in it. It wasnt happy...it made me sad...dont be sad...Sad is bad. This is the only life you have, so live it to be remembered |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
I liked this.. but it was like the first half was sad and the second half was hopeful.. it was like you answered your own question. But there's nothing wrong with that. in one stanza you say "I hide my feelings.." and then in the next you say "but I keep my feelings hidden..." To me that just seemed repetive bc you said the same thing twice. but I can relate to this.. Good job. hope you get more reviews. ~heatheR~ Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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synthetic Member
since 2006-06-10
Posts 70ontario, canada |
First and foremost, I'd like to say that poetry from a personal aspect should never be criticized, and is always beautiful. As for the technical viewpoint of things; there could of been slightly more work done. The first stanza was slightly more confusing than need be, perhaps something you were reaching for. The rest of the poem didn't flow as well as it should have, but in the same light, depicted a bit more of the broken heart you were talking about. Although it was a tad repetitive, I found it to be quite interesting and very heartfelt. Keep up the good work. ps. love will find you sooner than you believe. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Well, this isn't one of my favorites by you, no offence, but I did enjoy reading it, because I feel like so many people could relate. I for one can relate in a small ways... Anyway, in the second stanza, last line, I think you need to remove the “yet” it doesn’t make any sense there. I liked how you answered your own "question" how you started out sad, yet, in the end had some hope. I liked that, it was nice to see... Thanks for sharing  @-->--- |
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