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Teen Poetry #7
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Belongs
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Belongs |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain 
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you were my first love now you'll be my last i wonder why you left me to shatter like glass. you stole me of everything then you just left took my heart, mind, soul then you took off, mewaiting, bereft. you left me aching inside and out nothing now can save me life, i now doubt. my mind only thinks of you my soul only longs my heart only beats for you my body, to you, belongs. (defiantly not my best,sorry) -missy |
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| © Copyright 2006 Marisa F - All Rights Reserved | |||
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
i loved this stanza you were my first love now you'll be my last i wonder why you left me to shatter like glass. something about the shatter like glass part, i just thought was amazing |
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M e m o r i e s Junior Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 14Alaska, USA |
I must be really lucky, because I get to read another poem of your's! Yay! I like it, like above, my favorite stanza was the first. And what are you talking about? This is a wonderful poem! You've got rhyming skillage! *gives you TWO cookies* |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Okay, not only do I love the first stanza, like all the other comments said, I also liked this one, "you left me aching inside and out nothing now can save me life, i now doubt." The last line in this is awesome, I love how you do a comma before you put, "I now doubt", very good setup there. The only thing I'm a little so-so on is the second stanzas last line. It seems kind of... missing a couple words or something? I'm not sure, I'll have to re-read that... Thanks for sharing, I loved reading this. I hope you will continue to post more  @-->--- |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
oh my gosh! y'all just really brightened my day! I kept thinking people would hate these last to poems i posted, but im glad that y'all didn't! rhia_5779, thank you so much for your reply/replies. i think thats my favorite verse, too, usually i start off with something i like best so i want to finish the rest!lol. I'll defiantly enjoy those two cookies, memories!! and stargal, everytime i read what you post, i get so worried/excited about what you'll put last, you're the one that really critiques my work the way i kinda see it. But no, there isn't any words missing..unless y'all think of some. I don't really know how i was doing that stanza, so i guess you could be right about that..when i re-read it, it kinda did sound like it was missing something, but i don't know what else to put there!={ sorry! but anyway, thanks again!! -missy |
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