Through My Eyes - pipTalk Forums

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thrumyeyes05
New Member

since 2006-06-29

Posts 1
Pa

0 posted 2006-06-30 02:05 PM

Through my eyes
All is dizzy
The world is grey
And all are busy

Am I lost
Or right on track
It seems everyone else
Knows what I lack

Why do they tell me
I couldn't know whats right
Only I live in my mind
Only I see with my sight

I can't stop wondering
If they truely understand
They why are they
worse off than I am

I just wrote it yesterday when I signed up so it still needs work but I thought I'd share.

My poems are just thoughts and in my mind my thoughts need no punctuation.

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

1 posted 2006-06-30 04:14 PM

hey great first post! The second to last line you you mean then instead of they? anyways i could relate to the last stanza and i like this alot. great!

Ringo

Member Elite

since 2003-02-20

Posts 3684
Saluting with misty eyes

2 posted 2006-06-30 08:32 PM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!!!!!!!!!

Please check your e-mail for a special greeting.

"... the rest is silence"
from the song The Flesh Failures
www.myspace.com/mindlesspoet

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-06-30 10:24 PM

"Through my eyes
All is dizzy
The world is grey
And all are busy

Am I lost
Or right on track
It seems everyone else
Knows what I lack"

Wow... I loved these first few stanzas, they fit together just right and yet were unique in their own way. I liked the first stanza because I also can perceive the world in such a fashion. The second stanza i liked because I always wonder how everyone can see my flaws, or at least I think they can, and yet not my good stuff, whatever that is

Welcome to pip! I hope you like the site I know I have... I can't wait to see more of your work in the near future, until than keep writing/posting I will keep an eye out for more from you!

@-->---

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

4 posted 2006-06-30 11:47 PM

Welcome to piptalk!
Great first post! I really like how all your stanzas flow so well together. They all fit perfect in your poem. I agree with bekahlekah45 theat 'they' was supposed to be 'then'. I enjoyed this. Hope to read more of your work in the near future. Once again, welcome.

                  Jessica

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

5 posted 2006-07-01 12:18 PM

ok.. this was a GREAT first post. It sounds kind of similar to something I would write. Then next to last line I think you meant then instead of they. The word truley should be truely. Other than that.. i LOVED this..

WELCOME to PipTalk.. I hope you enjoy the site.

I look forward to reading more of your poetry.

~Heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

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