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Tempest
Member

since 2006-04-28

Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

0 posted 2006-06-28 11:40 PM

Deep down inside
Do you know its a lie
Or do you pretend that it never happened
Because it theres no going back
Unless the world goes black
And you know its the pressure inside
That kills you slowly in life

And when you say theres no saying die
That you cant break down and cry
What becomes of you and your dreams
How does this keep from ripping the seems
What happens to the life your choosing
You just cant stand the taste of losing

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-06-29 12:27 PM

Hey Tempest,

Umm, interesting poem and I'm afraid that I don't understand all of it.

I'd have to say the first stanza was my favorite, mostly because, no offence, I just couldn't understand the second stanza that well. It could be I'm just tired and being dense again but would you possibly explain it to me? The second stanza I mean?

The first stanza in the fourth line was confusing also, and you might want to change that... I loved the first four lines out of the first stanza best though, very cool part!

Anyway, sorry I seem to have nothing to say... I hope to see more of your work soon though

@-->---

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

2 posted 2006-06-29 11:27 PM

I agree with Stargal, very interesting. I'm not sure if I understand quite like it's supposed to be.. but I like the last line the title and so forth.. good job..

~Heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

3 posted 2006-07-01 08:07 AM

Byran. Nice write. I understand it in my own way. It may not be th way you wanted in to be. But for me it fits. Both of your stanzas flowed really well. Maybe it could be a bit longer. Or not. It's pretty strong as it is.

                  Jessica

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

4 posted 2006-07-17 05:37 PM

yeah iActually got it the 50th time I read it. Nah it didn't take that long to actually get it. But I actually like it. Good write.

oh_my_goshijustgotexcited
Member

since 2006-07-12

Posts 52
USA, IDAHO

5 posted 2006-07-22 06:33 PM

i dunno what it is about your poems but i always seem to love them!!!!!
-later

Viola

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