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Teen Poetry #7
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The More I Think About Him...
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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The More I Think About Him... |
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Fuschia Junior Member
since 2006-06-19
Posts 35England |
This poem is just to convey my feelings at the current time. It is writen about my boyfriend who lives far away. The more I think about him The more I love him The more I love him The more I care The more I care The more I want to be with him The more I want to be with him The more I despair Despair In that place where I cry out in confusion Where my emotions are everywhere and I reach no conclusion I’m fearful of making mistakes or taking the wrong turning God come and rescue me from this pain which is burning Come and set me free, hold me tight and carry me through Answer my prays, O Lord and help me to know what’s true The more I think about him The more I what to hear from him The more I want to hear from him The more I want to share The more I want to share The more I want to be near to him The more I want to be near to him The more time I spend in prayer To pray in that place where I cry out in confusion Where my emotions are everywhere and I reach no conclusion I’m fearful of making mistakes or taking the wrong turning God come and rescue me from this pain which is burning Come and set me free, hold me tight, and carry me through Answer my prays, O Lord and help me to know what’s true |
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| © Copyright 2006 Fuschia - All Rights Reserved | |||
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey Fuschia, I'm first off going to say welcome to pip! Cause I haven't seen anything of yours yet, I know it's probably a late welcome but better late than never, no? I liked this poem quite a lot, it's something I can relate to at certain times of the day, not always because... Well, just because. As you will soon find out, i'm sure, i love poems I can relate too! They are awesome in my book, and so is this one. I'm not sure what I think about the whole thing put together though, for me it repeated itself just a little bit much. I'm not really into repetitive stuff, so I think everything that's said twice is to much, so don't take anything i say wrong... I did like it though, I really, REALLY, liked this part, "I’m fearful of making mistakes or taking the wrong turning God come and rescue me from this pain which is burning Come and set me free, hold me tight and carry me through Answer my prays, O Lord and help me to know what’s true" for me that sounds like something I would do, well, what I do, do. I loved how you voiced it though, it was awesome! Anyway, I'd like to say more but i've got to run, I look forward to reading more of your posts in the near future. I think you are a very talented poet and I can't wait to see more  @-->--- |
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tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
"Despair In that place where I cry out in confusion Where my emotions are everywhere and I reach no conclusion " Absolutely loved this part. The only part that kind of threw me was the "wrong turning" part. To me the rhyming sounded forced there. If you want ot change it up a bit you might try using a different word or a different phrase. I still liked it alot though. keep it up! AIM-blueyed angel940 |
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Fuschia Junior Member
since 2006-06-19
Posts 35England |
Thank you for your welcoming and your comments. I will take your ideas into concideration. I think i know what you mean by it sounding forced. I will try to come up with something else. This definately isn't one of my best poems, just something i made up at the spare of the moment so it is a bit repetative. Maybe i should not repeat the second and last stanza twice. Just have it once. Thanks again  God Bless xxFuschiaxx |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
I really like this poem. It flows SO well. I've felt lke this with some ex boyfriends. I have no favorites with in it. To me it all rocks. I'm definately reading somemore of your stuff. Nice! Jessica |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
This is also the first that i've read of yours I do believe. so Welcome.. this was amazing.. you have such a way with words.. I am at the edge of my seat. hoping to see more from you..  ~Heather~ going in my library.  Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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Fuschia Junior Member
since 2006-06-19
Posts 35England |
Thank you for your lovely comments, the_girl_next_door and latteaddict213. It's been fantastic reading through some of your poems. I can't wait to read more. Your both really skilled writers. xxFuschiaxx |
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spaz02 Member
since 2005-06-28
Posts 74USA |
awww.this is sooo sweet...it makes me think of my ex...not bcuz he lives far away but he was my 1st love and now were over but i still hold him dear to my heart.. Where'd ya go, I miss ya so, seems like its been forever since you've been gone. |
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Poetic Concept Member
since 2006-06-25
Posts 66God's Fingerprint |
I didnt really like this poem...moderately written...I think that a few of the lines were stretched and the flow was off considerably...dont distaste me becuase I dont really like this one just keep elevating and writing that is the onyl way any poet can grow...good luck...elevation is the key Return the favor on: Dreams Of A Vet "How vain it is to sit down and write when u have not stood up to live" |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
The more I want to be with him The more I despair Despair In that place where I cry out in confusion Where my emotions are everywhere and I reach no conclusion i really liked this part...... i didn't really like how it was repeated though it kind of, i feel, lost it's originality (well if thats even a word) but it was good i look forward to reading more from you. ~hunnie~ A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your |
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Fuschia Junior Member
since 2006-06-19
Posts 35England |
Thanks again for your comments. I will take all of what you say into account. It certainly isn't my normal style of writing -just something i was trying out. Perhaps i should try something different. xxFuschiaxx |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
This isn't your normal writing style? Really?!? I'd love to see some of your poems in the style you are most comfortable with. I think you did an excellent job with this one though @-->--- |
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
I think this is really good! great write! did you mean answer my *prayers* instead of prays though? idk just a thought I love seeing other poets who bring God into their work. It impresses me greatly! good write! |
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Fuschia Junior Member
since 2006-06-19
Posts 35England |
Yes- i did mean prayers- i am hopeless speller and always making mistakes. I know that could aggravate people so i'll try my best. Thank you again for your comments. I will try and improve on it and perhaps post an updated version. God Bless xxFuschiaxx |
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Fuschia Junior Member
since 2006-06-19
Posts 35England |
Just a note on this topic. God, in my opinion, has just peformed a miracle and i have just been able to arrange to see the guy i was writing about. Just wanted to share this and give God the glory!!! xxFuschiaxx |
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
thats awesome!!! im happy for you! God seems to work lots of myracles these days |
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Fuschia Junior Member
since 2006-06-19
Posts 35England |
He sure does!!! xxFuschiaxx |
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