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Teen Poetry #7
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The show
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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The show |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
The images of each of us appear the same Like the flickering lights on a TV screen We, the commercials in between Do not see that we are not the main attraction We are just a different kind of distraction The lying voice shouts are wares With smiling faces we dance and give empty stares For in all truth you do not need the people like me Us, the deceiving, simmer with rage and fire inside, from the thing that would keep us from becoming part of the attraction While on the surface we glitter and glitter like what the world has inspired When in truth your true desire should be the show The real star, the HIM that runs the remote, and plays the lead role Who makes it possible for us to continue in our ugly glow Yet… are we too blind to see the truth, shall we continue being the interruption? Or will we join with HIM and become a part of the show, releasing the world from the anguish we’ve sowed? @-->--- |
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| © Copyright 2006 stargal - All Rights Reserved | |||
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
wow. this is really good. not even kidding. I like how you used the whole tv comparison. that was good. nice job |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
very good.. very good. I liked this a lot. I also liked how you used to tv comparison.. it was great.. It was one of those poems that made me think about what i was reading.. great job..  ~Heather~ Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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Frank W. Torres Member
since 2006-06-10
Posts 133 |
Nice. |
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
i think more people should comment this so i'm giving it a boost... |
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The Shadow in Blue Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 493EL, Michigan |
Wow! I, like everyone else, think that the tv reference was used well. I especially liked how it was genuinely philosphical. I give it two thumbs up.  |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey all, Once again thank you for your kind comments they are as always much appreciated  @-->--- |
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
lol they just removed the thing i posted for the comments and whatever cuz it wasnt a real poem. i should make it into one! haha well i dont want to get in trouble actually... |
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spaz02 Member
since 2005-06-28
Posts 74USA |
this is wonderful...i felt it |
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Poetic Concept Member
since 2006-06-25
Posts 66God's Fingerprint |
My big thing is uniqueness, and this was extremely unique, the concept was good, but I think u lack some emotion I couldnt feel you within your words...but regardless this is good...good job...elevation is the key Return the Favor on: Dreams of a Vet |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
This is something that I wasn't really expecting from you. It's..well..different. I don't know. It's lacking something. I agree it doesn't really have to much emotion and I don't thing that It has a really great grabber. It's not bad at all it's just... I don't know. It's fine. I'm no help at all. Okay. Jessica |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Lol… thanks for the comments everyone. I know this does lack emotions in it, and I’m afraid that was my point. It wasn’t about me or how I was feeling, it was more like a… narrator commenting? I’m not sure how to put that… Anyway, I appreciate the replies ya’ll took time to write @-->--- |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
The images of each of us appear the same Like the flickering lights on a TV screen We, the commercials in between Do not see that we are not the main attraction We are just a different kind of distraction yes i loved it it was lacking emotion but it was understandable.... i hope to read more from you... *hunnie* |
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John O'Driscoll Junior Member
since 2006-03-13
Posts 43Sandy, Utah |
Hey that was awesome!!! True happiness is found after you think you have irretrievably lost it |
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Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! |
this was a great piece. It was really good with flow, rythm, and sound. I loved the t.v. compareson. It was really original(well to me anyways, I've never heard anything like it) |
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Digital_Hell Member
since 2006-06-05
Posts 202Amidst black roses |
Very nice. The way you talked about it from an objective view, Narrating on it is unique and brilliant. A most enjoyable read and quite thought provoking! Cant wait to read more!  hells gate reads Abandon hope all ye that enter here |
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Alone in the dark Member
since 2006-02-10
Posts 105On the edge of an abyss |
Hey stargal! I think your poem has the perfect amount of emotion, it's just of a darker nature than I guess some people cosider "emotion". It seemed to be told from a cynical point of view with a mixture of anger, scorn and maybe contempt? That's my opinion, anyway. The structure and concept were amazing. A very unique way to view life! ^*^Angel^*^  |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Okay, so you caught me. I was feeling some contempt when I wrote this but now that i'm done re-writing... Well, everythings good. Thanks for your comments once again everyone. They are very much appreciated by me, they teach me what I should and should not put into my poems. Gracias @-->--- |
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