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John O'Driscoll
Junior Member

since 2006-03-13

Posts 43
Sandy, Utah

0 posted 2006-06-14 03:58 PM

I had this little group of friends, all of whom i loved very much. then one of them did something stupid and they split apart. I was mad at all of them for letting eachother go, but rather than hold on to hate, i wrote this.

Identical clothes
identical hair
these four friends were toghether
just about everywhere.
They had everything in common
but one thing above all
there was this one boy
theyd all love to maul.
They'd talk in safety
behind this boys back
about all the good things
that this boy did lack.
Now, there was no denying
this boy was a jerk
especially at one party where
'round the girls he did lurk.
He observed each one
looking for weakness
he had a knack for finding
girls that were horniest.
Yes, he was handsome
he had perfect hair
most girls would faint
when under his stare
His arms were gigantic
his features were shocking
but underneath that
his insides were rotting
With one by one he flirted
and one by one they declined
but at last one
of their four he did find.
When he spoke to her
she faltered so slightly
to this boy who took
girls virginities nightly
'twas in his bedroom
when she made her worst choice
She didnt listen to her own
but to this scumballs voice.
After it was done
he feigned to not know her
apparently after sex
the relationship was over.
not only with him
but with all of her friends
those who she thought loved
her with no end.
One girl stuck with her
although she was adrift
And now in my life
it has caused quite a rift
for I loved all four
and what I'm telling you
that sleeping with the enemy
can split four into two.

True happiness is found after you think you have irretrievably lost it

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-06-14 10:08 PM

wow.. again.. this was great. I don't see why no one else has commented on this. I love how I can just picture this happening when you write. It's like you tell a story..

Sleeping with the enemy
can split four into two..

the last two lines were amazing... It's like you added an old saying and made it your own.. so GREAT job.. I really enjoyed this poem by you also..

Keep it up..

~Heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

2 posted 2006-06-16 01:38 PM

I liked this. it was good. I mean..not what happened but the poem itself. nice.

John O'Driscoll
Junior Member

since 2006-03-13

Posts 43
Sandy, Utah

3 posted 2006-06-16 08:47 PM

Thanks guys. i really appreciate it. Yeah, the last two lines took me awhile but when i finally got it, i really liked it.

Thanks again

John

True happiness is found after you think you have irretrievably lost it

WaterFairy103
Member

since 2006-05-31

Posts 196

4 posted 2006-06-18 11:50 PM

This is amazing! Good job once again!

When I stopped trying to find the right guy, and concentrated on being the right girl, the right guy found me.

mgoodman1989
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 93
Iowa, USA

5 posted 2006-06-26 01:59 PM

Wow
Really nice write... keep it up John!

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

6 posted 2006-06-26 05:36 PM

Wow. Very strong. Bit sexual, but still a very nice write. The last two lines I know took you a very long time to figure out, But they just don't seem to flow right to me. An extra syllable or something. I dunno. Probably just me.

                  Jessica

oh_my_goshijustgotexcited
Member

since 2006-07-12

Posts 52
USA, IDAHO

7 posted 2006-07-12 09:45 PM

i can relate to this poem,
especially the last two lines
great job

Viola

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