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the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

0 posted 2006-06-03 10:44 PM

My mind is confused.
I'm standing in the rain.
My heart is only used.
I hear the thunder, feel the pain.
The raindrops cannot compare,
to the tears that I cry,
The stinging wind can't overcome
the way I feel inside
My heart cannot hold out long,
I can't uncover my fears,
I cannot help but hide them,
for my future is unclear.
I cannot see straight,
my mind has clouded my sight.
I can't hear you whisper
for I'm afraid to put up a fight.
I can't say that I love you,
for I'm not sure that I do,
but everytime we're eye to eye,
I realize that I need you.
I only wish that I could tell you,
but my head and emotions are tied.
and even if I wanted to,
behind my heart they hide.

written 03-01-05

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

poise_and_rationality
Junior Member

since 2006-05-06

Posts 46
my mind

1 posted 2006-06-06 12:22 PM

well done it's really good sorry i aint been on for a while pc not behaving....i specially like d My mind is confused.
I'm standing in the rain.
My heart is only used.
I hear the thunder, feel the pain.
The raindrops cannot compare,
to the tears that I cry, i think its one of the best i have read in a while

par
xx

Give me attention
Give me envy
Give me malice
Give me a break!
Have some composure
And where is your posture?

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

2 posted 2006-06-06 12:28 PM

wow! i liked this sooo much!! i dont think that you could change anything. i like it how it is.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-06-06 07:11 PM

Well, I’m sorry to be the one to give a negative comment but I don’t feel like this one isn't one of your bests.

The general idea is kind of muddled for me. Although with stanzas it might help to separate the thoughts and make it look more organized, no offence.

I don’t know what I’m talking about… I just kind of feel like the emotions in this are being forced. Now I could be sooo wrong on this, but that’s just my honest opinion.

I did like these lines a lot though,

“I hear the thunder, feel the pain
The raindrops cannot compare,
To the tears that I cry”

For me that has cool imagery, and I’m partial to thunderstorms

Even though this isn't my favorite by you, I still enjoyed it...

@-->---

CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa
Member

since 2003-07-16

Posts 248

4 posted 2006-06-07 08:16 PM

Heather, I loved this. its Perfect. Don't change a thing k?

<3kerR

When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
Mae West

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

5 posted 2006-06-07 11:11 PM

thanks everyone.. your feedback is so very appreciated. good or bad

~Heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

6 posted 2006-06-09 01:46 AM

I can really , really relate, to those type of feelings. of how i interpeted that. really liked .

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