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buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

0 posted 2006-05-31 11:30 AM

Although one may often wish
To forget their past mistakes…
To leave behind their hardships,
No matter what’s at stake
To ignore the lessons
That they’ve learned over the years
Just to disregard their heartaches
Their pains, trials, and tears
I’ve come to know, that I cannot
Regret the life that I have led…
I cannot be apologetic,
For the things I’ve done or said
I cannot live a life of anger
For the sufferings I’ve faced…
Or think that tears I have shed
Should ever be replaced
The moments of which I faltered
the times i cried
died a little inside…
The times that I needed to stand up
But I seemed to lose my voice
Along with the days that I stood strong
And lived up to my potential…
All joined together to form a road,
That each soul finds essential
For each step that I took along
The life that I’ve been through…
Became just one step closer
…to finding you.

forever*wishing
Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 178
where my heart is

1 posted 2006-05-31 12:28 PM

beautiful!! it wandered a >LITTLE< tiny tiny bit(probably b/c im ADD tho-- lol)--it was PERFECT!!! i love it love it love it!

~L

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

2 posted 2006-05-31 12:34 PM

oh..sorry!!but thanks anyway!!its probably cause its long..not cause you're ADD..lol..well, thanks!!

~missy
My tears of love are a waste of time if I turn away..
my love is a waste of time
if you never stay

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

3 posted 2006-05-31 10:24 PM

I loved it..it was wonderful.. I don't think that it could be improved very much.. great job..

~Heather

going in my library.

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

4 posted 2006-06-01 11:59 AM

thank you heather!!

~missy

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

5 posted 2006-06-04 01:03 AM

Okay, well for me this poem started out really strong in the beginning, became a little weak in the middle, and ended strong again, no offence…

I feel like the flow in this was rather iffy, in some spots where you put “I have” I think it should have been “I’ve” but it’s all little stuff, nothing major.
Also, I would suggest adding stanzas, I find it makes the poem easier to read and it will help those who prefer not to read the longer poems take the time and read it.

My favorite part of the whole poem would have to be the beginning, like the first ten lines, awesome!

Good job on this poem, I’d love to see more

@-->---

WaterFairy103
Member

since 2006-05-31

Posts 196

6 posted 2006-06-04 08:30 PM

I think Stargal got it a little bit with the flow, but that's nothing that detracted from the poem. Good job!!!

Dance like nobody's watching,
Love like you've never been hurt.
Sing like nobody's listening,
and Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

7 posted 2006-06-05 03:33 PM

sorry about the "i have" stargal!!I'm so confused on that stuff!!lol..I guess it has to do with my writing teacher ALWAYS getting on to me about conjugtions..or contractions or what ever they're called!!lol.I can't even remember..so now when i write i don't do that=/ i'll try to do it now, though, for you!!=)
and thanks alot waterfairy!!love hearing from y'all..

xox
-missy

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