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forever*wishing
Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 178
where my heart is

0 posted 2006-05-30 12:09 PM

(i know i rhymed "us" with "us"--oh well = P) lol

12 memories left in your heart,
And 12 knifes that open your wound,
Yet they’re still 12 smiles that give you a fresh start,

12 dark clouds about to burst at the drop of a hat,
And pour down till your life is worthless and flat.
12 lives changed in an instant,
Leaving 12 marks that can’t.
That can’t let you move.

12 memories left in your heart,
And 12 knifes that open your wound,
Yet they’re still 12 smiles that give you a fresh start,

Where is the flashing light that says smile?
I haven’t seen one on your face in a while.
Where is fun these days?
We all seem to be hiding in darkness and shade.

I want see more than fake smiles and happiness,
I want more than plain, fine, and good.
I want what you gave us,
I want the light that will save us.

12 memories that we don’t need anymore,
12 memories thrown on the floor,
12 knifes put back in the drawer,
12 hearts happy with nothing more,
than what they had in the beginning,
But were too blinded by their own sinning.

Foreverone8783
Junior Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 24
Illinios

1 posted 2006-05-30 12:30 PM

Wow, I really like this one!
I really the last stanza

"12 memories that we don’t need anymore,
12 memories thrown on the floor,
12 knifes put back in the drawer,
12 hearts happy with nothing more,
than what they had in the beginning,
But were too blinded by their own sinning"

It has a lot of emotion in it.

And its ok, I think at some point everyone rhymes using the same word.

*^*Ashley*^*

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

2 posted 2006-05-30 02:33 PM

wow, thats really good!!!i like it, and i agree, i think everyone pretty much uses the same word to ryhme sometime or other..well, nice poem!!
i really liked it!

~missy
My tears of love are a waste of time if I turn away

i have decided to love, hate is too much to bear
-MLK, jr.

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

3 posted 2006-05-30 05:37 PM

what are the twelve things?just wondering..thought i'd ask..

~missy
My tears of love are a waste of time if I turn away..
my love is a waste of time
if you never stay

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

4 posted 2006-05-30 11:01 PM

i liked this alot.. but.. i really don't understand it.. it kinda left me just not knowing what the poem was really about.. usually I don't post to poems that I don't understand because I hate it when people just post and are like this made no sense because poetry isn't supposed to make sense it's supposed to give off feeling.. and mean something.. but I have a feeling that this poem had more meaning to it than I think and I'd like to know a little more about it if you have time.. thanks.

~Heather.. ps-again.. this was great..

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

forever*wishing
Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 178
where my heart is

5 posted 2006-05-30 11:45 PM

ok....i think 2 people have asked kinda what this poem means....its really weird...i wrote it because the number 12 was going through my head all day, and i dunno. i just wrote about twelve...i guess, and it sorta means that one thing can have different meanings, and different feelings...and it also means that those things we do everday can pull us down, and i want to see change...the part where it says this sorta says that:
"I want see more than fake smiles and happiness,
I want more than plain, fine, and good.
I want what you gave us,
I want the light that will save us"

it means alot...and it's kinda jumbled, and messy, so i dont like this one of mine as much = P ...but oh well, they cant all be good...and most of them wont...so i'll keep writing, and hope that i'll get a good one! = )

~L

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

6 posted 2006-05-31 12:36 PM

thanks....that explains it a WHOLE lot better...thanks

~missy
My tears of love are a waste of time if I turn away..
my love is a waste of time
if you never stay

WaterFairy103
Member

since 2006-05-31

Posts 196

7 posted 2006-05-31 11:51 PM

This is pretty good, I think. It's got a lot of personal meaning, and I think that shows that you thought about it. I like that you kept a sort of 'chorus' going through it, and it was all in all pretty good!

~WF

Dance like nobody's watching,
Love like you've never been hurt.
Sing like nobody's listening,
and Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

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