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Teen Poetry #7
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xox.ice.cream.lover.xox
Junior Member
since 2006-01-07
Posts 20
Canada

0 posted 2006-05-26 08:48 PM



One glance at you
And everything else fades
One word from you
And my breath is taken away

One day with you
And nothing can go wrong
One smile from you
And it¡¯s here I¡¯ll belong

Sitting here now
You¡¯re still on my mind
Maybe somehow
You¡¯d be here all the time

A minute then two
I¡¯m missing you more
Today and forever
It's you I live for


© Copyright 2006 Sabrina R. - All Rights Reserved
the_girl_next_door
Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591
USA
1 posted 2006-05-27 01:06 AM


hey.. I liked this alot.. it was very touching.. the ending made everything come together. it was my favorite part. keep it up..


~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
2 posted 2006-05-28 06:31 PM


Hi,

Like heather said, I enjoyed the ending also, it did help pull the poem together. I believe without the last two stanzas the poem wouldn’t have been as good it’d just be random reasons about “the” one.

I did like how on the first half you always put “one”, sometimes I get tired of reading the same thing over and over, but in this you added enough variety that it didn’t bother me. For me it added character to the poem. Very nicely done by you.

The rhythm was kind of different from anything I’ve ever read. It has style though I like it. Great write on this one, I hope to see more

@-->---

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