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curiouse
Member

since 2006-03-21

Posts 277
england

0 posted 2006-05-19 12:49 PM

Reality or Fantasy

So here I am once again a paper and pencil in hand yet this time I don’t think I can fill the page with my feelings.
Because you have left me speechless

Today was wonderful
The atmosphere was powerful
The conversation was beautiful
And the feeling you gave me was unbelievable

Yet there will never be enough words or phrases,
Feelings or thoughts,
Happenings or un-happenings
To tell or show you the way you make me feel
It’s seems so surreal

Now let’s wake up from this fantasy
And learn to love reality
Because the feeling we share is lovely
Yet the love we share is mighty

Sometimes one begins to wonder
If thee and they are meant to be
Her mind begins to ponder
If there is a real you and me
Yet every moment this love grows stronger

i'm looking for you...always...

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

1 posted 2006-05-19 10:02 PM

WOW! OMgosh, this was realy good. I love the stanza as-well, keep it up with the amazing poems.

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

2 posted 2006-05-19 10:20 PM

ok.. I liked this very much.. and I picked it out of the rest to actually write something about because it just kind of appealed to me.

So here I am once again a paper and pencil in hand yet this time I don?t think I can fill the page with my feelings.
Because you have left me speechless

~~Ok.. I loved this part I think the most of the whole poem.. I've felt this way so many times but when I did I just didn't write.. and you actually made words to describe that feeling so I think that's why it caught my eye.. 'Because you have left me speechless' Wonderfully done. I loved it.. good start~~

Today was wonderful
The atmosphere was powerful
The conversation was beautiful
And the feeling you gave me was unbelievable

~~This stanza was also ver good.. it keeps the thoughts and feelings going because it's like one sentence after another.. one thought following the other. 'today' 'the atmostphere' 'the conversation' 'the feeling' I loved it.. it was wonderful.. I liked how it just kept going.. great job on this~~

Yet there will never be enough words or phrases,
Feelings or thoughts,
Happenings or un-happenings
To tell or show you the way you make me feel
It?s seems so surreal

~~again this stanza like the second just kinda keeps going.. it goes from one thing from the other. like.. there's not pause inbetween the thoughts.. and I like that in this poem.. its' like you get on a roller coster then you decide you don't want to ride but it's already started and you can't stop or slow down or take a break.. it's wonderful~~

Now let?s wake up from this fantasy
And learn to love reality
Because the feeling we share is lovely
Yet the love we share is mighty

~~This is I think my second favorite stanza. 'wake up from this fantasy and learn to love reality' that is wonderful.. i'm not sure where that came from but it's beautiful.. it's like saying that it's time to realize and love what's here because it is lovely and mightly as you said in the last two lines~~

Sometimes one begins to wonder
If thee and they are meant to be
Her mind begins to ponder
If there is a real you and me
Yet every moment this love grows stronger

~~now the end.. I liked but I feel like it didn't quite fit with the rest of the poem.. well not that it didn't fit but that it kinda was different from the other stanzas. it's like your talking about a person anyone "sometimes one" and then it's if thee and they which makes sense but then it's like "her mind" which changes the view but can still make sense but then it changes to 'you and me' so it makes sense but it takes a second longer to think about this part and understand it as well as the rest of the poem.. maybe a suggestion

..."Sometimes one begins to wonder
If thee and they are meant to be
Her mind begins to ponder
"Is there a real you and me?"
Yet every moment this love grows stronger"...

~~this way the third line in this stanza seems as if 'her' is actually saying this or thinking it because right above it you say "her mind begins to ponder" so just a suggestion it makes more sense to me like that but others may disagree.. everyone has an opinion and I respect that..

Overall.. this is one of my favorite by you.. so keep it up and it's going in my library..

you told me to speak my mind and I did.. so good job.. and I hope to hear more~~
~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

aliway
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 185
With in your eyes

3 posted 2006-05-19 11:38 PM

I love it, I love it!!! This was your best. Great job on it, you must have a great guy to have written this. Hope the best. Great job, love it!!!!
~

~
*Leah

curiouse
Member

since 2006-03-21

Posts 277
england

4 posted 2006-05-20 02:19 PM

thankyou so much guys heather thanks for the time it's much appreciated cherry thankyou so much again your comment meant a lot..and leah THANKYOU lol yes my muse is a great guy..lol..thankyou
smiles, me

i'm looking for you...always...

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