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poise_and_rationality
Junior Member

since 2006-05-06

Posts 46
my mind

0 posted 2006-05-06 04:21 PM

i'm a bit bored and i'm sorry if its rather rubbish but im like i said i'm bored feel free to crisisize me as i need a bit help at the mo oh i'm also known as sat but long story lol parx

the way i feel towards you
out of the blue
the ban makes it worse
it feels like a curse

the pain i recieve
makes me want to decieve
i would do anything
to see you again

you say you love me
me and you are ment to be
yet when you cheat
my heart misses a beat

you wipe my tear say your sorry
and that i shouldnt start to worry
my bloke is here to stay
then you go away

come home late
you've been on a date
again and again
i'm put through the pain
i always feel the same

you threw a dart
it went right through my shirt
to my heart
then came back later
i had all but fallen apart

par

house of compusure where is your posture?

pullingxthextrigger
Member

since 2006-05-01

Posts 133
MA,..USA llx

1 posted 2006-05-06 11:06 PM

woah! awesome poem!!!! loved it
keep up the great work

~nora <3

p.s welcome to pip!!!

your pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong llx - P!ATD!

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

2 posted 2006-05-06 11:38 PM

The last stanza was my favorite.. I loved this as I do all your poems.. A little confusing at places.. a suggestion would be to go back and correct some spelling and grammar mistakes other than that.. it was great.. keep it up.. i love your poems.. (btw not sure if you meant it to be this or not but what exactly is a bloke?) j/w.

great write..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

Junebug
Junior Member

since 2006-04-23

Posts 40
earth

3 posted 2006-05-07 05:16 AM

another totally awesome poem.....pretty much as awesome as all your poems lol...i wish i could write like you! anywho great addition to your book! lol

poise_and_rationality
Junior Member

since 2006-05-06

Posts 46
my mind

4 posted 2006-05-07 06:22 AM

a bloke is a boy lol i thought about changing it but couldn't be bothered lol
glad you liked it
x par x

house of compusure where is your posture?

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