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U-Lie
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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U-Lie |
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drowningmonky Junior Member
since 2006-03-02
Posts 14miami, florida |
I wish I could tell you i miss you But thats not true I wish I could tell you I hated you But thats something impossible to do. I can Imagine you by my side even If we are miles apart. Call it love, or just a lie truth is you will never be mine. Compassion is the key to destruction and im going down. But at least im not haunted by so many lies at least I will one day breathe again while you sit and suffer all of your life. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Lisa - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! |
Nice! I liked it alot, it had alot of really good emotion and a really good flow. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Wow... I really, really liked this! Like the other person said, it has goodflow, maybe a little stiff in the last stanza, but most of it's really good. I think that out of the whole poem this is my favorite part, " Compassion is the key to destruction and im going down. But at least im not haunted by so many lies" this part just really stands out to me, it has great imagery in those few lines! Also, just one thing i noticed, is that this part, "at least I will one day breathe again " doesn't really have good flow, maybe if you changed it, like different wording, but leave in the same general idea, it would be better... Anyway, cool poem, i really enjoyed it @-->--- |
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pullingxthextrigger Member
since 2006-05-01
Posts 133MA,..USA llx |
very sweet poem powerful loved it <3 keep it up |
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