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mgoodman1989
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 93
Iowa, USA

0 posted 2006-04-27 07:17 PM

Alone with her shadow
she silently weeps
confesses her troubles
and the secrets she keeps

Alone with her shadow
she's happy and free
expresses her feelings
and how mad she can be

Alone with her shadow
she uncovers the bruises
the pain lies within
the love that she loses

Alone with her shadow
she'll always be
nobody loves her
she can finally see

Alone with her shadow
this girl can reflect
she lives within you
in a world of neglect

This poem is something that most everyone can relate to in one way or another. Everyone has that little girl/boy inside of them that wants to be set free. Everyone tries to be someone that they arent to impress a group of friends that, chances are, in ten years they wont even see anymore. So, the message I am trying to get accross in this poem is: Be true to yourself, be the real you, and the best that you can be.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-04-27 07:30 PM

Okay, I loved the rhythm in this, or in most of this. I think that the second and third stanzas kind of lost some of the flow…

Also, even though the message you’re trying to get through with on this poem is a good one, I didn’t really see it. Sure, everyone has that little kid in them, and I agree, it sounds like you are talking about a person with a little kid in them, I just don’t see how you are saying in this be true to yourself, no offence of course. Wait… or maybe I do in a little way, it’s not something I think you notice right off, you have to think a little longer about it, and read your note.

Anyway, I loved this stanza best, cause I think I can relate to it best,

“Alone with her shadow
she silently weeps
confesses her troubles
and the secrets she keeps”

this part just seems so … like me, real to me, me, me, me!

I would love to see more of your work, so I hope that you will continue to post, and maybe even post more than you are

@-->---

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

2 posted 2006-04-27 08:11 PM

I love this poem of yours.. It's going in my library.. i have one of my other favorite too.. "hearts all break the same" or something like that.. this was a great piece.. Hope to hear more..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

3 posted 2006-04-27 08:13 PM

ps... I'm reposting because I forgot to put this in my library..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

mgoodman1989
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 93
Iowa, USA

4 posted 2006-04-30 09:51 PM

Thanks guys for the posts. I know what you mean Stargal, and I'm flattered girl next door... lol

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