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Teen Poetry #7
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without you
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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without you |
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tearsoflove13762 Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 488Texas.. and yes i have an accent 
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Without you I am like a butterfly without its wings, I wrap myself in my own cocoon and just wait for my wings to come to me. So in the first week of summer when you come back, I will push through my shelter and fly away. For only a short while will I be wild and free, Then I will once more be with out my wings. Like a fish without water, a flower without petals, or a relationship without love, I am not myself without you here with me. I miss you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My boyfriend is in the Airforce and I never get to see him. My Senior Prom is this weekend and he doesn't get to come home. signature--> SENIOR 06' aol sn- tearsoflove13762 [This message has been edited by tearsoflove13762 (04-28-2006 12:12 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 Laura Risner - All Rights Reserved | |||
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Okay, so I don’t think this is the best one by you that I’ve read so far. I personally think it needs more to it, you have a great beginning and a great end, but it needs more filler, more story to the whole thing, something to capture/hold the readers imagination. That is just my opinion though, and I maybe wayyy off on the whole thing, so take it as you will. I really like the way you compare yourself to a butterfly without wings it’s kind of bitter sweet to me… I’m not sure I can explain it any better than that. Anyway, I love seeing all of your work and I hope you will continue to post, if not more often. @-->--- |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
I'm sorry he didn't get to come home! I guess that explains a lot more to me where you're coming from on this poem, but why tell me? Why not ADD it to the poem? idk... i'm kinda just blur today, need to go sleep but can't sleep... and now i'm talking about me and my problems  Thanks for telling me what's going on though, it helps me understand, and changes what i think, on this poem! @-->--- |
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pullingxthextrigger Member
since 2006-05-01
Posts 133MA,..USA llx |
aww thats so sad! but at least you know he's helping people---this is very emotional and i loved it<3 keep it up |
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tearsoflove13762 Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 488Texas.. and yes i have an accent |
i dont like personalizing my poems too much so you can determine what it means for yourself its not always what I mean by it but how u understand it. u know? i guess sometimes its needed but... thats just how i do it SENIOR 06' |
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