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Teen Poetry #7
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War with My head
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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War with My head |
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tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world 
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take one step up and state your name, move 3 more, its all the same. move back 6 more, it's your spot to claim, you move ahead cause lifes just a game. the words won't come, they don't sound right, a war with my head, and I lost the fight. I'm trying to tell you that I just might be the one for you, I'll be your light. I'll carry you through all the trials and pains, I'd give up my life if it'd be your gain. Your heart and your mind are driving me insane, but they give me a miracle as soothing as the rain. I know it's complicated, but I want you to know, you are my inspiration, and I wish I could show how much I love you, though I can't always say, it grows deeper and deeper for you each day. I don't know what more I can say... I'm just writing this for you and I pray you understand how i feel and what you are to me... throught this poem, I hope that you see. -Erin I know the rhyme scheme isn't consistent throughout the poem but let me know what you think AIM-blueyed angel940 |
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| © Copyright 2006 Erin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
I loved this poem.. It shows a great deal of emotion.. I feel like you could've had a stronger ending but other than that.. it was good..  ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Wow! No offence heather I disagree, I think the ending is perfect, it kind of leaves a question in my mind. Okay, so the rhyming wasn’t perfect, and btw, for some reason I was thinking you could almost turn this into rap, is that cause I’m listening to rap?!? Back to the rhyming though, even though it wasn’t perfect, it kind of all fit together, like it didn’t have to rhyme… do you know what I mean? Cause I don’t  Lots of emotions in this, which I enjoy seeing, cause I feel like if you don’t write from the heart your not writing at all… So, good job on this, I hope you’ll post more soon! @-->--- |
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cherrys_rule Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 442 |
yeah i really liked this poem of yours too.it had so much meaning, and it reminds me of me. Good job! |
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