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Teen Poetry #7
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so complicated (this love thing)
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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so complicated (this love thing) |
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electricxheart Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 184far away from home. |
maybe our timing is just off missed the mark time’s running out as the sun keeps dancing across the sky and oh baby, don’t you know— couldn’t you see that hunger in my eyes as i looked your way that hunger to know your deepest desires that hunger to feel your heart beat fast within your chest and every time my hand intertwines within yours oh baby, don’t you know— couldn’t you see that connection that’s building between you and me its pulse so confusing the thoughts rushing to survive through our magnetic force brighter then the first night we met do you remember that? the first night we met yeah, tell me do you still remember that? |
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| © Copyright 2006 Kelly Landis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey, I like the whole general idea of this, but I don’t think that this is the best poem I’ve seen by you, no offence. I’m not sure if you were trying for a rhythm thing so I guess I won’t really say anything on that… I did feel like the ending was kind of weak, no offence again, I felt like you could have come up with something spectacular because I know you’re a good poet… So I’m sorry that I seem kind of blah on my whole idea of your poem, I just felt like… well, I dunno, I should just be quiet now. I did like the whole idea of this poem though… @-->--- |
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pullingxthextrigger Member
since 2006-05-01
Posts 133MA,..USA llx |
omg this would make a greattt song!!! i can just see your name in lights now hahaha anyways, awesome poem ((song)) keep up the great work <3 ~nora your pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong </3 llx |
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