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Teen Poetry #7
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brokenheart15
New Member
since 2005-12-16
Posts 5
indiana

0 posted 2006-04-23 08:47 PM


where do i start
where do i end
i really dont want
my heart broken again

he wants me
i want him too
theres only one problem
i dont know what to do

i know he dont want me
only for sex
but i have trust issues
cuz of my ex

my heart has been smashed
by a couple of men
but i just dont want it
to happen again

[This message has been edited by brokenheart15 (04-24-2006 09:55 PM).]

© Copyright 2006 Samantha - All Rights Reserved
latteaddict213
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523
Colorado
1 posted 2006-04-23 09:49 PM


Nice write Samantha. I was a little dissapointed with the ending. It didn't ryhme like all the other stanzas. If you title this something other than "untitled" more people might be interested in reading it. It is organized very well and flows even better.

                 Jessica

stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
2 posted 2006-04-26 10:44 AM


Hey,

Pretty much what Jessica said on this, the ending stanza just doesn't seem to work very well. Also there are places where your grammar are a little iffy, if you know what i mean.

Other than that i like this, it has a great idea behind it all, and maybe also cause i'm feeling like this right now is why i like this so much. I can relate.

Great write

Haven't seen very many of your posts, and i would like to see more, so i hope you continue posting on here!

@-->---

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