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Teen Poetry #7
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sometimesitslonely
Junior Member
since 2005-12-27
Posts 41
USA

0 posted 2006-04-16 08:57 PM


My heart
b
  r
    e
     a
      k
       s

under your spell

What did I do for you to

     l.o.v.e
me so ....well...

nothing my dear.
nothing important.

it's just that you tell them
w
  h
   a
     t
      e
       v
        e
         r

they want to hear.

I hate that you remind me of myself.

This smile is fake,
These tears aren't.

© Copyright 2006 sometimesitslonely - All Rights Reserved
latteaddict213
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523
Colorado
1 posted 2006-04-16 10:02 PM


People might not read this because it's titled "God". I don't mind at all. It's the people who judge this before they even read this who bother me. I like the way that you
w
r
  o
   t
    e
those words. That's cool. Why did you name it God? Ummm...just wondering, Is God the person you're talking to? I think that it could have flowed better. If you want it to flow. I don't think that you were trying to make this a rhyming poem. I don't know.....I guess that it could be organized better...I just don't really know how to explain it. Sorry if I'm not much help.

                 Jessica

latteaddict213
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523
Colorado
2 posted 2006-04-16 10:03 PM


People might not read this because it's titled "God". I don't mind at all. It's the people who judge this before they even read this who bother me. I like the way that you
w
r
  o
   t
    e
those words. That's cool. Why did you name it God? Ummm...just wondering, Is God the person you're talking to? I think that it could have flowed better. If you want it to flow. I don't think that you were trying to make this a rhyming poem. I don't know.....I guess that it could be organized better...I just don't really know how to explain it. Sorry if I'm not much help.

                 Jessica

latteaddict213
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523
Colorado
3 posted 2006-04-16 10:06 PM


oops! Sorry! I posted twice. I guess that his will be the third huh? Oh well now at least more people will be interested in reading it.

             Sorry again,
               Jessica

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591
USA
4 posted 2006-04-20 11:01 PM


I liked this very much... I agree at first.. i didn't read it bc it was GOD but I mean i'm christian.. but usually i'm in the mood for love poems etc.. but this was awesome.. keep it up..
'
~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

ShelbyLynn13
Member
since 2006-02-15
Posts 73
US, Colorodo
5 posted 2006-04-21 03:08 PM


that is a realy neat poem! iloved it

every one is special in their own  way!!!

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