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Broken*~*Angel
New Member

since 2006-02-27

Posts 6

0 posted 2006-04-13 03:09 PM

Unwanted

Daughter of blood, body and soul
Infused in a body perfect and whole.
Ten perfect fingers, ten perfect toes.
What your name is nobody knows.
Warm little bundle of flesh and bone
Fed by another you are never alone.

An innocence of perfection
No harm or defection.
A soul, a person, a being of life
Untouched or tainted by strife.
Born unto a moment of heedless pleasure.
A mistake, maybe, but above all a treasure

Little do you know of the struggle you face.
Unwanted in this time and in this place.
An ignorance of the unborn,
So you shall be torn

For silent does your death await,
A terrified mother’s desperate fate.
Unaware you face a mother’s betrayal.
Life unlived your eyes are veiled.
One quick procedure is all it takes,
Before that fragile line between you and life breaks.

Hey there this poem is about a topic i feel very strong about and that topic is abortion i hope you like it

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

1 posted 2006-04-13 05:28 PM

I agree with you about abortion. Your poem is very well organized. A flow lines sounded to me lie they could sound better. all the other lines flow well. My favorite stanza is,
"Little do you know of the struggle you face.
Unwanted in this time and in this place.
An ignorance of the unborn,
So you shall be torn"
Also about that stanza, it has fewer lines that all the others. It might be better if they were all the same. Nice write.

Jessica

dramaticaddict
Junior Member

since 2006-04-13

Posts 10
ny, usa

2 posted 2006-04-13 07:57 PM

sigh.

abortion is such a terrible thing
i totally agree with you

well, the poem is amazing
shows a lot of emotion

love it

<3cassie.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-04-13 08:42 PM

Wow! You are such an awesome poet!
When i started reading this poem i didn't really want too, i was kind of tired of all the same blah blah blah that are in poems today, but after i read the first few lines i was hooked! I just couldn't figure out what you were getting at, until like the last stanza.

I agree that abortion is wrong, and i'm glad someone took the time to write about it on here.

I've got to say that my favorite lines are,

"An innocence of perfection
No harm or defection.
A soul, a person, a being of life
Untouched or tainted by strife.
Born unto a moment of heedless pleasure.
A mistake, maybe, but above all a treasure"

Like Jessica said, at least i think she said?! The flow is off in some places. A good way to fix this is to read the poem out loud to yourself, see what YOU think needs changed. Cause even though i'm telling you what i think, it's about what you think, your poem, your thoughts

I haven't really seen you here before, and that could be cause i've been gone, so let me welcome you to pip!

Hope to see more of your work

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