my thoughts ( not realli a poem writings about my thoughts)

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Teen Poetry #7

my thoughts ( not realli a poem writings about my thoughts)

ThePrayers0faBrokenHeart
Junior Member

since 2006-03-19

Posts 10
guam, harmon

0 posted 2006-04-10 10:07 PM

i long for his touch, his warm embrace
i desire his kisses and cuddles,
i desire everything i used to recieve
Feelings of lonelyness haunt me
as i dream and fantasize
everything i can never have..
i bury my head in shame
as tears or sorrow and pain
fills my broken heart
jealousy over comes me as i walk on by
they have the things that my heart desire
he who has conquered me
has torn me into pieces
and left my heart unable to mend
everything i've always thought and dreamt of
everything i've always admired from afar
was brought down with a simple goodbye.
dreams are nothing but a pathetc way of realizing how it will never be reality....

[[ just needed to write my thoughts down]]

"&& i realy love you and it hurts me that you dont even a damn care <<3"

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-04-11 11:12 PM

I liked this very much.. and I believe that it did somewhat resemble a poem.. because it was in poem form.. it didnt' rhyme.. but poems dont have to. and it was written to show emotion.. it was kind of like prose in a way... I loved how you put your words.. i liked the last line.. especially.. keep up the good work..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2006-04-12 09:35 AM

Well, i kind of disagree with Heather, not on the poem part, cause i think this was a lot like a poem, but on the flow part. I think it flows rather well in some parts, and i think with a little time and effort you could make this into a really smooth flowing poem.

I love each line in this it just all seems to fit together.

Good job, and welcome to pip

@-->---

ThePrayers0faBrokenHeart
Junior Member

since 2006-03-19

Posts 10
guam, harmon

3 posted 2006-04-13 11:50 PM

thanks for the comments u guys ! means s much to meeh! haha now i feel more confident!!! thnaks alot

-chrissy <<3

"&& i realy love you and it hurts me that you dont even a damn care <<3"

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