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Faint of Heart
New Member

since 2006-07-07

Posts 6
CA, USA

0 posted 2006-07-10 05:37 PM

Hurt

As time ticks on
The darkness closes in,
My heart is out of place.

I cry out to You,
Before all fades away,
I do not want to change again.

Please help me to see myself
I am losing all hope that is within
I am falling down like the rain.

I do not want to hurt anyone
Like I have been hurt before
Please, Lord, please stop the pain.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

1 posted 2006-07-10 09:10 PM

mmkay..... it was good but it was short i'm always for short reads but this i felt was missing something well i didn't like the length of the last sentence maybe there is too many words? but more than less i liked it

I do not want to hurt anyone
Like I have been hurt before

i think everyone can relate to this good work hope to read more from you soon.
hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2006-07-11 05:38 PM

Well, I kind of have to agree with the other comment I felt like this poem was also missing something in it. I mean the length was great yet I felt like you needed to elaborate more on the story. Why “you” are feeling the feelings in this poem, it needs a story in it? But that’s just what I think… I am probably wrong on this.

"Please help me to see myself
I am losing all hope that is within
I am falling down like the rain"

to me, this was one of the best parts in the whole poem^^ I thought that the comparing "yourself" to rain was neat and the talking about hope... Brilliant job on this one.

Thanks for sharing

@-->---

oh_my_goshijustgotexcited
Member

since 2006-07-12

Posts 52
USA, IDAHO

3 posted 2006-07-12 03:27 AM

very good poem, i thought that it could use a little something more...but its a very very good poem, i know i can relate to it, as can millions of others im sure!

Viola

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