navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #7 » why
Teen Poetry #7
Post A Reply Post New Topic why Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
firy
New Member
since 2006-04-07
Posts 8
florida

0 posted 2006-04-10 01:02 PM



why
why do we run into the streets killing each other
giving headaches and broken hearts to our mothers
why do we use force instead of persuassion
police instead of peace
why do we use drugs also called brain plugs
and not treat our body like a temple or shrine
all the way down to the spine
why do ask kids if they know the art of drug dealin
instead of what they're really feelin
why are single mothers on welfare
and not have an HMO or proper health care
why are dads nowhere to be found
makin sure the kids are safe and sound
why can status quo
determine whether your friend or foe
how can someone call a girl a hoe
and make her feel oh so low
why not take it to the max everyday
makin sure we go all the way
why do we feel afraid to stand alone
especially when we make out our own
why

chief

© Copyright 2006 oscar de jongh - All Rights Reserved
aliway
Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 185
With in your eyes
1 posted 2006-04-10 11:05 PM


WOW... great poem
It really makes you think of the world we live in.
I share your same look on these things.

*leah

aliway
Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 185
With in your eyes
2 posted 2006-04-15 12:56 PM


I know I have already posted on yours but I thought of some ales thing to say.
It would be helpful if you put stanzas in your poem.
Love to read more of your work soon (to hear your opinion on things)

*Leah

latteaddict213
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523
Colorado
3 posted 2006-04-15 02:55 PM


First, Welcome to PIP.
Stanzas would be great for this. It would make it a lot easier to read. Its not always the dads fault, sometimes it's the mothers that run away and leave her kids with their father. But the whole idea of losing a parent is just horrid. Remember, stanzas. lol.

                 Jessica

stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
4 posted 2006-04-15 04:35 PM


Hey firy,

Welcome to pip! Amazing poem there, it really makes you stop and think about life...

Just what Jessica said, stanzas would be really helpful for the reader, and it helps seperate some of your ideas so the poem doesn't appear messy.

Good job, can't wait to see more!

@-->---

dramaticaddict
Junior Member
since 2006-04-13
Posts 10
ny, usa
5 posted 2006-04-16 12:26 PM


i really loved this...
as latteaddict and stargal mentioned, stanzas are nice

i totally feel you
this was a really heartfelt poem...

loverly

<3cassie.
aliway
Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 185
With in your eyes
6 posted 2006-04-16 02:11 AM


see i told you... more would reply if you gave it time

*leah

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #7 » why

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary