Emptied Out Recycled Phrases

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sometimesitslonely
Junior Member

since 2005-12-27

Posts 41
USA

0 posted 2006-03-29 07:02 PM

Holding this line,
and cutting it off,
here lies my body,
of which you destroyed.

The song in my head,
so filled of resentment,
for you never loving me,
for you never having me.

I had these pictures in my mind,
of chaos that you caused,
rooms of empty chairs,
of paintings in empty halls.

This smile is fake,
These tears aren't.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-03-30 04:27 PM

Hey,

I have read a few of your poems and I do not like this one as well as other writes by you.
Okay, this does sound mean, I apologize if it does, I want to let you know that this isn’t my favorite, favorite one by you.

The first stanza I didn’t really understand, my best guess is that you hung yourself :S
And the ending of the poem seemed like it was lacking, like there should be more to the “story” than that…

Let me just say I loved the second stanza! My favorite part in the whole poem…
I know many people who could relate to the second stanza, and I am one of them.

Good job though, I apologize if I sounded harsh in any way. Keep up the good work

@-->---

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

2 posted 2006-03-30 11:13 PM

.... my opinion.. this was a really good poem but I agree it kinda confused me.. when I read it.. it didn't cross my mind that you hung yourself but now that I go back I can see that it could mean taking your own life.. or among other things.. I loved the second verse also.. the last stanza.. well.. I liked the last two lines alot.. empty rooms with chairs and of painting in empty halls.. something like that.. it's like everythings is empty.. it shows loneliness and depression.. that's just what I see.. but at the same time.. it seems like you didn't mention anything about any other person just items.. (chairs, paintings) like you're all alone in the world.. this was just my opinion on what I thought.. if i'm wrong it's ok.. you can tell me what you really meant if you want but I believe that some art in poetry lies in not really knowing exactly what the artist was saying but listening to what is says to you... good job..
keep it up..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

electricxheart
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 184
far away from home.

3 posted 2006-03-31 06:03 PM

i like this poem a lot. especially the title. but the ending does seem a bit unfinished to me. i think if you added a couple more stanzas, this could be a really awesome write.

--kelly

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

4 posted 2006-04-09 12:54 PM

I agree with all three of you. The end does seem a little unfinished and the second stanza is the best. You guys said it all.

Jessica

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