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Teen Poetry #7
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stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA

0 posted 2006-03-10 06:00 PM


Without you I’m just fine
No more tears
No more pain
No more feelin’ just okay

Look how I’ve changed(that’s for sure).
I’m moving on
But not alone
Cause there’s another
In your place

You say you can’t see him
But he’s there
He’s holding my hand
Helping me through
Those wicked times

I’ve come this far
There’s no denyin’
It wasn’t easy
But I’ll be alright

But I can’t make it on my own
There’s no way I’m going on alone
Now that HE is by my side
I’m ready to enjoy my life

We’ll climb the mountains
While holding hands
We’ll see the ocean
And walk upon the sands

There’s not much time
I’ve got to go
So goodbye
I’m no longer all alone
My friend is here…

Hello God,
Are you ready to climb?



@-->---

[This message has been edited by stargal (03-11-2006 01:32 AM).]

© Copyright 2006 stargal - All Rights Reserved
latteaddict213
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523
Colorado
1 posted 2006-03-11 12:06 PM


great. the ending is explaining. at fisst it seems like your talking about a boy friend or just a friend. then you say
"Hello God,
Are you ready to climb?"
yeah thats cool. nice work.

           Jessica    
            
    Character is what you
      do when you think that
         no one is loking--??

helenadepp
Member
since 2006-01-16
Posts 59
durham, england
2 posted 2006-03-11 01:44 PM


I agree with jessica. The way you wrote the whole poem without letting us know who you were on about was really quirky! I really enjoyed it..one for the library.
*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
3 posted 2006-03-17 07:19 PM


Very nice write.  I really enjoy your poems.

~Alli~

byski
Member
since 2006-01-26
Posts 235
Alberta, Canada
4 posted 2006-03-18 10:49 AM


Thats an awesome poem with some good advise in it. It seems so easy with Him being you best friend. Very good one, made me smile.
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
5 posted 2006-03-18 11:08 AM


loved this
buttercupbaby
Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400
outside in the rain
6 posted 2006-05-30 12:33 PM


this is really nice=) i enjoyed it..
beautiful.

~missy
My tears of love are a waste of time if I turn away

i have decided to love, hate is too much to bear
-MLK, jr.


bekahlekah45
Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533

7 posted 2006-06-03 07:02 PM


stargal...this poem...wow...omg..idk what to say.  I'm amazed.  I think this is an AWESOME poem..if i knew how to look at my library then i would add this to it.  im..just blown away by this. ITS SOOO GOOD!  i'm so just..im in awe.  i love it so much.  U AMAZE ME.  this message...its so hard to express how strongly i feel about this amazing poem...GREAT JOB.
bekahlekah45
Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533

8 posted 2006-06-04 09:47 PM


sorry i had to comment again on how i love this soooo much....
stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
9 posted 2006-06-05 12:17 PM


lol

much appreciated

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poise_and_rationality
Junior Member
since 2006-05-06
Posts 46
my mind
10 posted 2006-06-07 11:10 AM


wow i really like the bit   god are you ready to climb? i think you have an excellent talent in both writing and giving advice in to other poets on how to improve! well done on this poem


par
xx

Give me attention
Give me envy
Give me malice
Give me a break!
Have some composure
And where is your posture?

bekahlekah45
Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533

11 posted 2006-06-07 11:26 AM


i still love it!!!
stuck_in_a_dreaM
New Member
since 2006-06-07
Posts 8

12 posted 2006-06-07 04:28 PM


i liked this alot.  good.  
pen&paper
Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513

13 posted 2006-06-08 08:37 PM


This was also really good! Great, actually.
I don't think I've read a poem of yours that I didn't like. Keep it up.

        Rerra L.

stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
14 posted 2006-06-08 09:20 PM


Hey everyone,

Thank you so much for all your comments, I really appreciated them

@-->---

Tempest
Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!
15 posted 2006-06-11 11:04 PM


Even though god isn't high on my list of favorites (not to say that i worship the devil or anything) this piece was very well...interesting to me. Very well writin though with alot of good points on the fact that you can be stronger than you appeared because you have god beside you.
bekahlekah45
Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533

16 posted 2006-06-12 12:00 PM


God is VERY high in my favorites! in fact he's number one.  yet again stargal, this is my favorite poem of allllll time!!
the_girl_next_door
Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591
USA
17 posted 2006-06-12 12:03 PM


Great job stargal.. one of my favorite by you..



~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

Frank W. Torres
Member
since 2006-06-10
Posts 133

18 posted 2006-06-12 09:49 AM


Very Nice. Somehow I just knew that you were talking about God.
girlskater117
Junior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 32

19 posted 2006-06-12 10:45 AM


Well i like this poem alot and it's really good. I would say it's better then mine.
Your frind
Amber

stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
20 posted 2006-06-12 10:52 AM


Hey everyone,

Once again thanks for posting I’m glad you all liked it, although, personally I don’t really understand why everyone thinks this poem is so great? I kind of think it’s one of my worst… anyway, thanks all

@-->---

girlskater117
Junior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 32

21 posted 2006-06-13 08:28 AM


It's not so don't put youself down. Well i hope u like my new poems. I injoy reading all of your poems.I hope there is more to come.
Amber

John O'Driscoll
Junior Member
since 2006-03-13
Posts 43
Sandy, Utah
22 posted 2006-06-16 09:23 PM


Hey!

I think im going to just repeat what you told me
THE LAST TWO LINES WERE AMAZING!
They really gave a completely different feel to the poem, because through the first part, i know I was thinking "man i wish i had someone like that." but those last lines make people realize that they DO have someone like that, and he's always going to be there. Very good. VERY inspirational.

Love always!

jOhN

True happiness is found after you think you have irretrievably lost it

John O'Driscoll
Junior Member
since 2006-03-13
Posts 43
Sandy, Utah
23 posted 2006-06-19 05:31 PM


Im afraid i must apologize! i got a little mixed up. I was thinking that you had commented with "the last two lines were amazing" on a poem that i had written. You did comment on it, but thats not what you wrote. Sorry. Still loved it though! And what i said is still true, the last two lines were amazing!

Love Always
JOHN O.

True happiness is found after you think you have irretrievably lost it

spaz02
Member
since 2005-06-28
Posts 74
USA
24 posted 2006-06-25 01:40 PM


OH MY GOODNESS!! I am in love with this poem it is so in the right spot!

Where'd ya go, I miss ya so, seems like its been forever since you've been gone.
~Fort Minor~

Poetic Concept
Member
since 2006-06-25
Posts 66
God's Fingerprint
25 posted 2006-06-25 03:49 PM


I am not a huge fan on spiritual concepts outside of church, but I did enjoy this...The thing is with this though is how cliche it is...the concept of I dont need u I have god is used so often in every type of writing that it is becomes boring. I think u should expand your work what I mean by that is show your readers a different view point something they are not used to seeing, maybe u can get better responses or varying responses not all postive remarks because that doesnt help any poet grow...good job...elevation is the key.

Return the favor on: Dreams of a Vet

stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
26 posted 2006-06-26 09:20 AM


Spiritual concepts outside of church? humm... Well, I believe that you need those even without being "inside" the church. In fact, I believe you need those "spiritual concepts" even more when you are NOT in the church... Yet, that's just my opinion.

Thanks for the replies everyone! I will also think about trying something not so cliche

@-->---

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