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whatshername
New Member

since 2006-03-08

Posts 4
ND, USA

0 posted 2006-03-09 07:33 PM

you look at me
i look at you
our eyes lock for just that one moment
to afraid to keep your gaze
to afraid to look away
before i can think whats happening
or what you might be thinking
the moment is gone..
your gone, eyes downcast,
head down..following the footsteps of another.
but for a moment we escaped.
you and me
me and you
escaped from it all

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-03-09 07:34 PM

Wow.. I loved this poem.. Honestly.. It was great.. It was short but it told about a very short moment and you described it perfectly..

Keep it up I hope to hear more..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

whatshername
New Member

since 2006-03-08

Posts 4
ND, USA

2 posted 2006-03-09 07:42 PM

haha thanks.. i always write short like that. something happens, and then i write about it as soon as i get the chance. But anyway thanx for your comment! *

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

3 posted 2006-03-09 07:49 PM

Your Welcome!

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

4 posted 2006-03-10 12:30 PM

very short and very awsome. its very nice

           Jessica

    Character is what you
      do when you think that
         no one is loking--??

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

5 posted 2006-03-10 01:21 AM

Can I just say wow!
I love this poem! I love how it starts out.
Although I think you should change the, “our eyes lock for just that one moment to afraid to keep your gaze”, to “our eyes lock for just that one moment, I’M to afraid to keep your gaze”, I just feel like it flows a little easier. That could just be me though. I also think that these lines, “your gone, eyes downcast, head down… following the footsteps of another”, it just doesn’t do much for me. The rest of your poem I love! I love the whole thing actually, I’m just a criticizer…
If I were you, I would just ignore stargal

Thanks for sharing though, it has been a pleasure to read this poem. I am adding this to my private library!

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