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byski
Member

since 2006-01-26

Posts 235
Alberta, Canada

0 posted 2006-03-06 02:17 PM

Life is organic
The origin is unknown
To be original

Unforgivable
When life is taken away
Only Sin is reborn

Protruding the Earth
Relentless in its attack
Destroying for now

But in the ashes
The death is resurrection
Life begins again

Unorthodox mabey, but I grow on you.

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

1 posted 2006-03-06 08:49 PM

Deep. I really like it, it talks about life which can be awsome. Love the ending

"But in the ashes
The death is resurrection
Life begins again"

Really nice

           Jessica
              :)
    Character is what you
      do when you think that
         no one is loking--??

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

2 posted 2006-03-06 09:35 PM

I loved the depth in this..
and I agree.. the end is my favorite part.

Keep it up!!

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-03-07 01:18 AM

Hi,

I really like how you talk about sin…

But the first line, it’s almost like it doesn’t belong? “Life is organic”, it almost sounds like dairy products!
No offence.

Or the last line… “The death is resurrection”, what do you mean by that? The dead is resurrected? “The death is resurrection” just doesn’t sound right to me…

Sorry, all I did was criticize your poem… Everyone has their own style so I should just lay off

@-->---

byski
Member

since 2006-01-26

Posts 235
Alberta, Canada

4 posted 2006-03-07 10:23 PM

No worries there, allow me to explain. In every end there is a new beginning. What I am trying to convay is that even when people 'sin' they destroy a part of life, whatever that may be. But even though some innocence is lost there a new beginning can arise from the ashes. People can learn and if they choose to they can improve.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

5 posted 2006-03-08 12:38 PM

Thank you, that explains a lot to me!

@-->---

curiouse
Member

since 2006-03-21

Posts 277
england

6 posted 2006-03-24 02:50 PM

beautifull,
curiouse

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

7 posted 2006-03-24 03:32 PM

nice job. twas good.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

8 posted 2006-03-24 06:03 PM

Yes, I agree with all the previous comments. Great job.

~Alli~

byski
Member

since 2006-01-26

Posts 235
Alberta, Canada

9 posted 2006-03-26 12:17 PM

Well thankyou all for relplying, it's nice to find some strength in numbers isn't it. It makes me want to try a new form of poetry and give you guys some more food for thought.

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