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The Shadow in Blue
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 493
EL, Michigan

0 posted 2006-07-06 03:52 PM

The Pilaging Inside

My fever has broke and the delusions are gone
disappearing in the wind with a smack cold as ice
as you continue to act like it's nothing at all
your cold shoulder as harsh as a punch to my gut

What did I do to deserve this wretched air
for I know not what went wrong to sour your heart
with it's aura raking my soul like a knife
why is it that you push me aside

For surely I'm not just a piece of cold meat
just thrown around and spun out of the loop
so don't mind me when I say, what is up with you now
I know I'm not perfect,but forgive me for my fumbles

And even if you don't, I'll forgive yours
but never forget the cards you delt me before
low blowing our friendship because of past mistakes
and with this ammo you shot right through my heart

Cutting it in pieces you showed your true colors
It's pirate black dancing amidst the night sky

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

1 posted 2006-07-06 04:18 PM

I loved your imagery here...but I must admit(and this is not even your fault) you used a LOT of very descriptive words in it(for example, the title? lol ) and it made it kind of difficult for me to understand the whole concept. I'm sure if I was a bit smarter it would make perfect sense. anyways, good write!

myspace username-beautiful_tragidy
I just want to find my way back to you...where love is strong and feels brand new.

The Shadow in Blue
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 493
EL, Michigan

2 posted 2006-07-06 04:21 PM

I really don't know why I titled it that,because really I didn't know what to call it so I slapped "The Pilaging Inside" on it. Thanks for comment and the honesty.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-07-09 06:23 PM

Well, I like it, not one of my favorites by you but enjoyable nevertheless. And yet now I know why I don’t really understand the title… Thanks for saying something about it.

I guess the only thing I didn’t really like in this was the flow. I felt like the flow was stiff in parts and the lines didn’t run smoothly together, no offence…

Other than that I liked this poem it was really interesting and I liked the descriptiveness of it.

Thanks for sharing

@-->---

The Shadow in Blue
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 493
EL, Michigan

4 posted 2006-07-09 06:53 PM

Thanks for the comment and contrique. I myself couldn't really fix the flow with with the lines no matter what I did, so I basically gave way to it and posted it anyway. I really have had better pieces, but hey with ever good poem there is a not-so-good poem (at least for some).

Tchao!
J.

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