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Teen Poetry #7
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Poet on Acid
Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325
Florida, USA

0 posted 2005-12-29 04:58 AM



Do stars sparkle only at night?
or are we too blind to see?
An almost supernatural glow befalls the land
as the mooon illuminates my sight.
I see the forming of the world
the beauty made for all to see
and i begin to wonder
if anything was made for only me
I've searched for on
one thing to set me apart
something that is no one elses
through the darkest parts of my mind I've crept
over the illusions I have wept
I searched in vain
finding nothing but lies and incredible pain
as parts of my soul were chipped away
i lost more of myself by the end of everyday
beaten and lost I concluded my quest
and began to think i was just one of the rest
blinded by my search
i didn't see the beauty searching for me
even unseen stars still shine
now I know that this star is mine
she was made for me
the beauty made for only me
now she owns every part of me

-"Poet Nascitar, Non Fit"
        -"A Poet Is Born, Not Made"

© Copyright 2005 Tony Ryan Johnson - All Rights Reserved
eternal_echobassplayer
Junior Member
since 2005-12-28
Posts 12
Tx, USA
1 posted 2005-12-29 12:51 PM


Very Interesting......I like it!
fearing-laughter
Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)
2 posted 2006-02-06 11:27 PM


hi fool
XxnoraxX
Member
since 2006-01-24
Posts 122
<3 MA,,,USA <3
3 posted 2006-02-13 01:09 AM


real good- nice job

XoXo,
XxnoraxX

No ones perfect;just perfect for each other-<3

PoetryIsLife
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763
...in my boxers...
4 posted 2006-02-20 09:23 AM


Wow. This was a fantastic piece, my friend. It really was. It's one of the best pieces I've read in a while, for its control of flow and movement within the poem.

Maybe it's just me, but if you were to correct the punctuation, I think that would add to the poem. The lack of concrete pauses can be distracting.

"something that is no one elses"

I might change this line; I find myself stumbling on it.

Maybe...

"something only I can possess"

"i lost more of myself by the end of everyday
beaten and lost I concluded my quest
and began to think i was just one of the rest"

These are great lines.

Kickass ending, too.

~Daniel/Titus

latteaddict213
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523
Colorado
5 posted 2006-02-20 06:04 PM


i like it. it has a nice flow to it. easy to read

Where your heart lays is where you belong.

PoetryIsLife
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763
...in my boxers...
6 posted 2006-02-25 04:30 PM


Once again, great poem.

~Daniel?Titus

Fighting the good fight, deployed to Iraq.

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591
USA
7 posted 2006-03-01 05:32 PM


I'm not sure if this is the only poem I've read of yours or not but this was a great piece. I loved the way I could read it without having to stop and think about it. I could read it with a nice steady pace. Wonderful work I hope to read more interesting pieces like this.

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

fearing-laughter
Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)
8 posted 2006-03-03 01:56 AM


once again, hi fool...
Free_Spirit07
Member
since 2006-01-29
Posts 222
The middle of my mind!
9 posted 2006-03-03 02:10 AM


whats with the hi fool? great poem

x0x0
Free_Spirit07    
~%#*So far from perfect!*#%~
~%#*So far from life and living!*#%~

fearing-laughter
Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)
10 posted 2006-03-09 01:55 AM


lol we go way back, but i haven't talked to him in awhile and i was trying to make him reply. apparently he doesn't feel like doing so. oh well.

At least we're still friends! At least we're still alive!--Alkaline Trio

silentmage13
Junior Member
since 2005-11-20
Posts 14
Florida
11 posted 2006-05-14 12:52 PM


This poem is awesome! My only suggestion would be to introduce her earlier in the poem and continue to make her the highlight of it. Whoever she is would deserve to have more than three lines.
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