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buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

0 posted 2006-07-03 01:06 PM

saddness kills time
nothing matters anymore
you lose every day
life is now a shut door.

hurt kills time
it drips through the break
in your very own heart
making it ache.

pain kills time
it stabs at your soul
where did you go wrong?
all you want is control.

Time is something
That is now dead
for me and others
who just want to live.

this is sort of morbib in a weird way...sorry.
-missy

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

1 posted 2006-07-04 11:59 AM

It flows. You been having a hard time? My favorite stanza had to be this one,
"saddness kills time
nothing matters anymore
you lose every day
life is now a shut door."
I have no clue why. It's not like my other favorites, but this just stands out to me. It remids me of something I can't quiet place. I like all of it. The only thing I might change would be that you should capitalize certain words and that you should watch where you put your periods. All in all good job.

                  Jessica

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

2 posted 2006-07-04 12:44 PM

thank you.
I always get confused on the periods and all..I can never decide whether to not to any punctuations or not..so yeah. Thanks for the reply.
I was having a hard time..I've been doing good on/off..so yeah. I recently lost my best friend so i've just been trying to get over it all..
but yeah, thanks.

~missy
My tears of love are a waste of time if I turn away..
my love is a waste of time
if you never stay

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-07-09 01:24 AM

Hey buttercupbaby,

I’m sorry to hear about your friend, I know how hard that is… I hope things are going a little bit better for you, now. If there’s anything we can do on pip just hollar and we’ll try

Anyway, I liked this poem a lot. Yet I didn’t find it to be all that morbid, as far as morbid goes in my book. I just found it to be an interesting read.

I really liked how you were able to incorporate time into every stanza it kept the general idea of the poem together. Yet it wasn’t overly much, like to repetitive, it was very good.

Great write by you once again thanks for sharing!

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