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Teen Poetry #7
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LOSTinTHISworld
Member
since 2003-06-01
Posts 94
canada

0 posted 2005-09-21 03:23 PM


i ask you to go away
why wont you listen to me
the pain you presence brings
has brought me to my knees
i try to ignore you
but i feel you breathing down my neck
im begging you to leave me
but you ignore my every request
i just want silence
to live my life in peace
but the words you whisper
they're so violent
you wont let me get any sleep
you stalk my every move
following me everywhere i go
all im asking
is for some time alone
and i wanted you to know
i let you get me once before
but you have not conquered me yet
you have taken my mind
but you will not take my body
aand i will fight for my life
i will fight til the end

{in a million years i wont be over you}

© Copyright 2005 becky dudley - All Rights Reserved
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2005-09-21 03:31 PM


as it should be....
young_blood
Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN
2 posted 2005-09-22 05:49 PM


haha...a mod commented. they only comment when stuff is teetering on the edge of being closed.
Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
3 posted 2005-09-23 10:42 AM


young_blood,
Really? Susan is actually very compassionate and especially loves teenagers. And she has good taste in poetry. This was very well done.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
4 posted 2005-09-23 03:36 PM


young blood....that isn't why I replied. The title made me look, sure, but I really liked this. Don't assume to know why I reply to something. and Larry?
LOSTinTHISworld
Member
since 2003-06-01
Posts 94
canada
5 posted 2005-09-23 09:49 PM


thanx you all for your comments, i knew the title proably wasnt the greeatest but it was the only way (to me) to explain what the poem was about
young_blood
Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN
6 posted 2005-09-24 02:18 AM


ya, that was harsh of me. i apologize to both of you.
Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
7 posted 2005-09-26 08:40 PM


Hey, it's no problem. And thanks for the apology. Now I need to go check out your stuff.

By the way, I think the title was perfect.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Paragon
Member
since 2003-02-16
Posts 114

8 posted 2005-09-28 10:21 AM


Let me first off, start by saying that I think this poem is a wonderful example of the human spirits will to live, in spite of our darker more carnal desires. I think that you have a gem here my friend however I think that it's shine is being dulled by the lack of an expanded vocabulary. Also, I think you should run this one over once more and try to repair some of the little grammatical errors here and there... not so  much punctuation but rather you're word placement and usage. In spite of all this, I want to reiterate that this poem is GOOD, I am by no means stating that it is less than par. However, I see that this piece could be so much more impacting if you sat down and did some revision. Well thats my thoughts friend...


Paragon

* shining star*
Member
since 2005-06-29
Posts 76
PA,USA
9 posted 2005-10-01 07:27 PM


I really like this poem, it expresses how a lot of teenagers feel but most usually never know how to explain it. Very nice poem.

-Smile, it's not a sin.

Kaos
Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 317
between space and time
10 posted 2005-10-09 05:13 PM


i appreciate the way people could be able to relate to this and to having maybe felt like that at some point, it kinda bonded me, as a reader, to the piece. Good write

"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light"
-Dylan Thomas

I_heart_rock
Junior Member
since 2005-11-26
Posts 10

12 posted 2005-11-26 12:30 PM


that was really good...i can totally relate to wanted the thought of suicide outta my mind...i liked it alot...

-jess

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