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| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Kaos Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 317between space and time 
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As the flame touched the night it exploded like a sparkler shooting burning cinders through the air as if it belonged there Slowly dissopating into the figure of beauty and there she sat almost angelic Her brazen hair shimmering sending light in every corner of the dark smokey room I could feel her one more drink and i could've heard her breathing such vibrance almost inebriating on it's own shivers at a smile and touch that melts me into a state of take me away turning my whole body into a wieghtless nothing Yearning for what i've been missing And the angels sang as her name reverbed through my head like sweet honey dripped on my tongue I repeated it agin goosebumps as she rose so gracefully A flower in a garden of weeds and she glides nearer and nearer until i'm blind except to the radiance of her aura and we are one 5-12-05 " Breathe life, for you are not alone" |
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| © Copyright 2005 Michael Lentini - All Rights Reserved | |||
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skoolyardturtle Member
since 2005-06-28
Posts 96 |
"one more drink and i could have heard her breathing" nice, this was really good. I'm suprised no one replied to this yet... |
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Kaos Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 317between space and time |
thanks for the support lol i'm hoping that in time they will "Aerials, in the sky, |
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Broken*~*Angel New Member
since 2006-02-27
Posts 6 |
one word WOW its really good i love the way the words flow and the certain arua of mysticism (excuse spelling) that youve created well done |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
'One more drink and I could have heard her breathing' Impressive! I loved this piece. I'm new I just joined yesterday but I've been reading on this site for about a month. I've read some of your other work and this is the best that I've come across. Hope to see more like this. ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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byski Member
since 2006-01-26
Posts 235Alberta, Canada |
This poem has great flow and is very well written. You have some good talent there. But I think it could be much more dramatic if you adjusted the structure of it to show the reader where you want them to pause. |
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byski Member
since 2006-01-26
Posts 235Alberta, Canada |
Oh yeah, love the great imagery. |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
" I could feel her one more drink and i could've heard her breathing" This to me was the best line in the entire thing. I do like the rest of it though. Great job   xoxo |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
wow. very nice. the description was almoset overwhelming. but it gave me a picture of her in my head. nice write. I ask why, but in my mind, |
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Kaos Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 317between space and time |
Thank you all for the awesome support. It means alot to me to know that i can provide enjoyment to others through something i enjoy doing :-) I will most definately take all you comments to heart, thanks again Mike Life is a torment and torment an enigma. So burn the shackles of slavery and let love run free |
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