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Teen Poetry #7
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skoolyardturtle
Member
since 2005-06-28
Posts 96


0 posted 2005-07-20 06:37 PM


The bell shattered the silence that surrounded me
it was about time to leave this place
away from here
away from everything
the train was coming to a stop
and it was my turn to get off
the exits were dark
there was nothing beyond the cemented platform
people were already loading on to the train
as i made my way to the the door
she snagged my hand before i stepped through the doorway
the train doors slid shut and i turned around to see her face
i stood still, frozen in wordless emotion, at the sight of her
the bell had shattered the silence between us once again
and the train started off towards nowhere
it was about time to leave this place
away from here
away from everything
the train had come to a stop
but it wasn't my turn to get off

© Copyright 2005 skoolyardturtle - All Rights Reserved
SEA
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Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2005-07-21 12:38 PM


very well done, could see it play out as I read
Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
2 posted 2005-07-22 03:20 AM


A good story telling and definitely you have a natural flair to head towards writing prose too.

~* Carpe' Diem *~
Tis only in their dreams that men truly be free, 'twas always thus and always will be. ~ Keating


*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
3 posted 2005-07-23 01:15 AM


Excellent write! You have a lot of talent.

~Alli~

Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams
4 posted 2005-07-24 09:36 AM



This is veru god, but remember to have words repeat no less then three.

-Juju

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

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