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Teen Poetry #7

Blissful memories

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

0 posted 2005-07-09 11:50 PM

In the arm of the love-
That holds me tonight,
But my mind longing for the one,
That has left my side,

With each thought that comes-
The forgotten time reminisced,
And each Christmas day,
I remember the mistletoe kiss,

Fortune granted me a chance at life,
I unwrap my present-
But no shine filled my face,
What once my smile, now a missing case,

Each 14th of February I think of the night,
The planning was just right-
And rose petals stretched out
Behind the park light,

You can sense the love
Which held me before
Mind filled with one image,
Now just a mirage,

So close were our bodies,
That our souls could breathe,
With each lovely kiss,
Her heart became his,

No longer the same being,
That controls the beat,
Someone else has taken the love,
That was meant for thee.

I speak insanity. I write fantasy. I sleep reality.

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

1 posted 2005-07-15 02:34 PM

This one is different, and I can relate. I like the idea. I thought the structure could use some work, and some of the rhyming felt forced. But I loved the line, "So close were our bodies, That our souls could breathe." Very original.

www.livejournal.com/users/alimakins

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2005-07-16 01:28 AM

"So close were our bodies,
That our souls could breathe,
With each lovely kiss,
Her heart became his,"

I liked this part the best, and yep, it does get "thrown off" a bit there at the end...

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