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SwT DeViL
Junior Member

since 2005-06-21

Posts 26
London

0 posted 2005-07-07 01:54 PM

this was done 2day on the 7th july 2oo5 while i was stuk at skul on study liv and wasnt aloud 2 come home coz of the bomb attacks near my ends... so its not going to be all it....andd it dont mke much sense i think...bu il improve it. take care hope you like it crits and comments plzzzz. this aint much puntual and not layed out properly ok.

You've broken the silence
created a fuss
with such a blast
not just one
but several.

You've broken the silence
created a trauma
which such a blast
killed a lot
not just a few.

You've killed so many innocent people
not just a few
but a few hundreds
with family
and children.

Your the one that will suffer
not today but one day
the people who have lost family
will get you one day
just not today.

You've broken the peace
and stared the war
the one we were waiting for
the one we were preparing for
you've started it.

***...$wT DeViL...***

I'm Me... Coz I'm Not U... Ur U CoZ Ur NoT Me...

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

1 posted 2005-07-07 03:49 PM

i liked the first two stanzas but after that it seems as if you lost it.

SwT DeViL
Junior Member

since 2005-06-21

Posts 26
London

2 posted 2005-07-07 05:48 PM

yh i knw...this is because i had ssoo much to say and i was actaully writing two but ended up putting all of them together.
take care yeh
thanks for your comment tho

***...$wT DeViL...***

I'm Me... Coz I'm Not U... Ur U CoZ Ur NoT Me...

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

3 posted 2005-07-10 10:44 AM

I think You should keep continuing that first statement repeating. on like every other groups of words. To only repeat things twice is a darn shame.

-Juju

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

4 posted 2005-07-10 12:56 PM

there is a lot of emotions in this...I feel fustration...it doesn't have to be perfect when trying to let go of emotions...sometimes it's just about getting it out and hoping folks can "get" it. I hope you are staying safe.

SwT DeViL
Junior Member

since 2005-06-21

Posts 26
London

5 posted 2005-07-11 12:42 PM

thanks every1 Glad you al liked it
thanks for ya comments n all.
take care

***...$wT DeViL...***

I'm Me... Coz I'm Not U... Ur U CoZ Ur NoT Me...

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