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Teen Poetry #7

Empty

* shining star*
Member

since 2005-06-29

Posts 76
PA,USA

0 posted 2005-06-30 11:33 PM

Why do I feel empty inside,
like I want to break down.
My dreams they wash away,
and my thoughts mean nothing to anyone.
When i laugh at jokes,
no one else even smiles.
If you looked at me you would never no,
that deep down I am empty.
But I never show,
until it all builds up,
then who knows what.
And there is never any time,
no time for anything.
Although I am empty i would never change anything,
friends, family, ect.
They're all great,
but some how there is always room,
room for being empty.

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

1 posted 2005-06-30 11:39 PM

I really enjoyed this write. The only thing that I would change is that there is one lowercase "I" and the "ect.". Lowercase I's are ok sometime but the rest of your I's are capitolized. Not trying to be picky just trying to help! And again I did enjoy this write.

-Laura

love will make you beautiful

* shining star*
Member

since 2005-06-29

Posts 76
PA,USA

2 posted 2005-06-30 11:42 PM

Thank you for helping me out. I just kinda through this one together and wasn't really paying attention. But thanks! Also if you have icq add me!

spaz02
Member

since 2005-06-28

Posts 74
USA

3 posted 2005-07-01 11:48 PM

star...i really like this alot of my poetry is like this...i also c that ur from PA...me too! but i like this..

CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa
Member

since 2003-07-16

Posts 248

4 posted 2005-07-16 08:57 AM

WELL DONE. enjoyed.

I cant believe how long i waited
for the boy to turn into my man...

Now if i could figure out, if it was worth the wait.

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