navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #7 » The Measurements of Life
Teen Poetry #7
Post A Reply Post New Topic The Measurements of Life Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
tearsoflove13762
Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

0 posted 2005-06-30 01:38 AM



So many people measure life,
in how many breaths were taken in all those years;
When actually,
we should measure life in how many breaths were taken away in all those moments spent with the one you truely love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Everytime I see your face in my mind,
all the colors of the earth, of the world around me,
seem to blend into each other.

Everytime I hear you voice,
all the sounds of the city, of the excitements surrounding me,
seem to fade away.

Everytime I take a breath in you presence,
all the oxygen in this sphere, and in my lungs,
seems to evaporate in thin air.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
yeah this is blah...

love will make you beautiful

© Copyright 2005 Laura Risner - All Rights Reserved
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2005-06-30 01:41 AM


"Everytime I see your face in my mind,
all the colors of the earth, of the world around me,
seem to blend into each other."


I liked where you were going here...then you just kinda trailed off...you should go back to this, and let the words come...it's good...

shara
Member
since 2002-05-21
Posts 69
florida/USA
2 posted 2005-06-30 11:32 AM


i'm going to have to agree with "sea" on this one, you were going somewhere with this peice then you kinda lost focus, but it has potential to be a really great read, i look forward to more from you.

      shara

tearsoflove13762
Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent
3 posted 2005-06-30 06:14 PM


in the next few days i will re-write this... i just wrote it and didnt read what i was doin... thanks for the helpful comments.

love will make you beautiful

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #7 » The Measurements of Life

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary