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Teen Poetry #7

Her

thinktwice
Member

since 2003-12-23

Posts 125
United States

0 posted 2005-04-24 04:25 AM

She put in her words
Sonnets and bullet proof swords
She put in her rhymes
Reasons and camouflaged lies

She spoke to me in lies
Her reasons for a simple, "Why?"
She threw in her rhymes
Just to try and get by

But it was all a lie
Her love, her sugarcane eyes
She tried to get by
With smiles designed to disguise

I can still see her face
Glowing in her twisted way
It's over now, my head's down
Just left with a bad taste

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2005-04-24 11:55 AM

this is really good...

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

2 posted 2005-04-26 03:49 PM

I really loved this. The first stanza really drew me in.
Excellent job, thanks for sharing.

If I could fall asleep tonight
you know I’d dream of you
and wake up wondering
why my heart is so cold
~WinterWren~

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

3 posted 2005-04-26 04:29 PM

the first stanza was very good. the rest of the poem dropped off after that. it seemed too repitious. the rhyme pattern on the second stanza just seemed to hinder you. i would forget the rhyme pattern and just write. that first stanza was so good.

CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa
Member

since 2003-07-16

Posts 248

4 posted 2005-05-02 10:57 PM

i liked this. the beginning definitely drew me in, but i liked the end too, especially the very end. Well written.

_keryn

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