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Teen Poetry #7

Faded Memories

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

0 posted 2005-03-19 12:35 PM

Just take away this continuing pain,
Go ahead, just take my heart.
Erase its memory of hurt and love,
And give me a fresh new start.

I want to forget you with all of me,
Just forget all this pain you’ve made.
I want to walk away knowing that
I’ll eventually be ok.

This empty hole in my heart
Is beginning to eat away,
Leaving a decomposed heart alone,
With no way to let memories fade.

-Erin

This is the shortest poem I've ever written and I'm not sure if it makes sense that short. Let me know what you think and don't be afraid to critique.

AIM-blueyed angel940
She's a question without answers...

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2005-03-20 12:15 PM

it makes complete sense.
it has a nice flow.
the last part though...
it for some reason bugged me that it said heart twice.
just felt repeatitive.

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

2 posted 2005-03-23 04:15 AM

see i dig short poems, so i can't find fault in that. i think many people have felt this way one time or another, and you did a nice job capturing this state of mind in simple terms.

bergundy

At least we're still friends! At least we're still alive!--Alkaline Trio

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