My Broken Race - pipTalk Forums

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tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

0 posted 2005-03-15 06:38 PM

My Broken Race

I'm loosing all control of myself,
and all that is left of me is fear.
Living in a world full of emptiness,
longing for anyone to be here.

Messy hair, loose clothes,
is this what I've come to?
I've lost all sense of self
ever since I lost you.

These broken words are long gone,
and have no meaning left at all.
Fear grips my heart when I look,
seeing I can't control how far I fall.

Time after time I try to win,
yet I always make it to second place,
in every aspect of this life I live,
I always loose the ultimate race.

You were my race to win,
I was sure that you were mine,
I loved you with all I had in me,
but it wasn't enough I came to find.

I'm constantly wanting to be more,
but expecting that to you I'm the worst.
Desperatly I want you to care for me,
for once I want to come in first.

-Erin

Hey guys! let me know what you think.

AIM-blueyed angel940
She's a question without answers...

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

1 posted 2005-03-17 12:02 PM

I can relate to this so well. Really excellent write. I loved it!
This one's going in my library.
Great work.

If I could fall asleep tonight
you know I’d dream of you
and wake up wondering
why my heart is so cold
~WinterWren~

I_dont_know_me
Junior Member

since 2003-12-08

Posts 48
UK, Cymru

2 posted 2005-03-20 06:13 PM

i can relate, hang in there

x

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

3 posted 2005-03-23 04:20 AM

oooh i like this...it's kinda long, but then again i have the attention span of a retarded monkey on crack...so i like how you describe this feeling, and i like your imagery...i can't think of anymore technical terms so i will just tell you that overall i like this piece. i know it sounds trite, but i think a lot of us have been in this situation and you'll eventually feel better. keep writing, it helps more than those who don't write will ever understand.

-bergundy-

At least we're still friends! At least we're still alive!--Alkaline Trio

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