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Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

0 posted 2005-03-02 03:40 PM

With a smile on my face

One thousand tastes of religion
And a peripheral epiphany
Thunder and lightning
A hormonal explosion of magnitude seven
Endless silence and silent thoughts
Pretty eyes and vacant smile
We’re lonely empty people.

WindSong
Member

since 2002-12-23

Posts 313
Long Island, New York

1 posted 2005-03-02 03:48 PM

Ooo I like it a lot!
I really liked how it flowed. Hehe.
I enjoyed it. Thanks!

"Stand still awhile and dream of the times when your heart felt full." ~Reina Nash~ R.I.P. 9*6*04 You'll always be remembered, I love you!

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

2 posted 2005-03-04 01:03 PM

I am glad that you like this WingSong but I must admit I am a little surprised that you think it flows. During the writing process I inevitably come up with lines that I like but am unable to fit into a poem, over the last year a few of these lines accumulated and one day when I was feeling a little cynical about writing poetry, I took a few of these lines and joined them together (I did do a little nipping and tucking

). Fortunately the result was not that monsterous and so I posted it. Oh and before I forget, thank you for replying.

Andrew

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

3 posted 2005-03-06 02:04 PM

weird, but cool. i like the length and the imagery. overall, i'd say it's well done.

bergundy

At least we're still friends! At least we're still alive!--Alkaline Trio

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

4 posted 2005-03-06 06:16 PM

This reminds me very much about how I feel.
its rather obscure. but thats what I like about it.

moonguardian2004
Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 64
MA, USA

5 posted 2005-03-08 12:38 PM

Very different. That's what I like about it though. Great job!

~*To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path and don't worry about the darkness for that is when stars shine oh so bright !~

Android 17

Senior Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 664
Winnipeg

6 posted 2005-03-09 02:03 AM

You always had a way with words like none-other. I don't know where you obtained this talent from---but I'm envious!

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

7 posted 2005-03-11 09:12 AM

My thoughts:

I immediately loved the last line. I read this poem forward, then backward, then forward again.. the second to last line made me think of the song "pretty vacant" which I haven't heard in a long time, and I overall liked this.

i need sleep.

great job, Zu.

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