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Teen Poetry #7
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stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA

0 posted 2006-06-08 02:19 AM



Locked inside herself she sits
Waiting for the pain that’s about to hit
The memories seem so surreal
As she thinks about his death…

Uncle hanging from a beam
With a rope around his neck
Like a plastic doll he swings
Gently with the breeze…

He didn’t have to go
Yet he seemed to panic
With his beauty fading
His face graying
He gave up to the façade…

She tried to make him stop
Tried to make him just believe
Yet how helpless she must appear
To those that are so bold…

Blinking her eyes
She stares upon her hands
Clearing away the past
Raising up her head
Once again the audience claps…

@-->---

© Copyright 2006 stargal - All Rights Reserved
bekahlekah45
Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533

1 posted 2006-06-08 10:47 AM


omg for being early in the morning (i looked at the time) u are a good poet!  i say taht in all honesty. i however AM NOT haha.  this got to my morbid side...hearing about a man hanging himsef...
no i really liked this.  i like it alot.
good job stargal

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591
USA
2 posted 2006-06-08 06:33 PM


I LOVED this poem by you stargal.. I have to admit.. I like getting your feedback you usually have somthing constructive to say but your poetry is not my favorite on this site.. BUT this was wonderful.. the best i've read all day.. keep it up..

HOpe to HEar more like this.

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
3 posted 2006-06-08 08:05 PM


Umm, thanks Heather? It’s nice to have someone appreciate your work when they don’t usually like it…

Bekahlekah45 - Thank you so much for the comment, although, if you really look at the time, my time, it was only 11:30 at night

@-->---

pen&paper
Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513

4 posted 2006-06-08 08:10 PM


I really liked this!kind of creepy at first..But I LOVED IT!!! hope to see lots more from you.

...Rerra L.

bekahlekah45
Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533

5 posted 2006-06-08 09:26 PM


LOL it was 2:19am here! hahaha wow!  what a difference!  no wonder i was like HOLY COW!!

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591
USA
6 posted 2006-06-09 12:45 PM


stargal.. I wasn't trying to be mean and say I never liked your work.. just that I don't relate to it as much. Sorry if I sounded mean.. I really truly wasn't trying to be.. great piece though.

~Heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
7 posted 2006-06-09 01:07 AM


No apology necessary Heather. I can understand if you do not relate well to what I write, heck, half of the time I don’t even relate to what I write either!

@-->---

girlskater117
Junior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 32

8 posted 2006-06-13 08:35 AM


Same with me. Good one. I like all your poems and i really like this one.Well im going to go off and read more of yours.
Amber

WaterFairy103
Member
since 2006-05-31
Posts 196

9 posted 2006-06-13 09:24 PM


Wow, that's awesome!  

Dance like nobody's watching,
Love like you've never been hurt.
Sing like nobody's listening,
and Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

John O'Driscoll
Junior Member
since 2006-03-13
Posts 43
Sandy, Utah
10 posted 2006-06-13 10:23 PM


Hey i really liked this. Very haunting.

LOVED IT!

John O.

True happiness is found after you think you have irretrievably lost it

scyzoryk_o4
Junior Member
since 2006-05-23
Posts 36
Canada and Poland
11 posted 2006-06-13 11:05 PM


Hey

Well I guess every one else already said how good this poem is so there’s no point of repeating it.
But OMG really this is a poem I would expect to see in a world renowned book of poetry, honestly reading it was like candy to my ears and mind. It just flows so well and leaves such a strong impression. This is definitely the best poem I’ve read by you.

Maksym

stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
12 posted 2006-06-13 11:15 PM


Thanks for all the replys everyone! They are much appreciated... Although, I must admit this is the older version of this poem, I have already gone through and rewritten this one

Thank you for taking the time to comment though!

@-->---

WaterFairy103
Member
since 2006-05-31
Posts 196

13 posted 2006-06-16 02:33 AM


OK, yeah, I know i already told you how much I like this poem, but I'd like to say something else.  I AM SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE!!!  You're always positive and constructive, and you're an amazing poet...so...thanks for bein' here!!

Dance like nobody's watching,
Love like you've never been hurt.
Sing like nobody's listening,
and Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

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