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Teen Poetry #7
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...You...
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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...You... |
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I_dont_know_me Junior Member
since 2003-12-08
Posts 48UK, Cymru |
I lay and think about you and all the things u say searching for a sign... is this low? or desparate? either way you have to know these feelings are too strong to ignore I dream of feeling your touch i can still feel your kiss like a soft linger on my lips your on my mind when i sleep because you mean all this and more ill search the sky for reasons to forget you but the memory of you holding me is to hard to forget But once again i wake up with broken dreams and tear stained cheeks Because your just another reminder of something i cant have Title suggestions Please... |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
hmmm....overall, it was just like everyone else's work. average. there was one line where you tried for a simile, but it made no sense. It was the line about the person's kiss being like a "linger". i don't think that "a " is anything. is either a verb or adjective, not a noun. So, you could say that their kiss s, or you could use a simile, but use it correctly. now, i say all that in hopes that you may take my advices and become a better writer. good luck! |
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aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
this was beautiful.... well done and as much as it hurts to say this the linger bit did kinda throw out the flow of the poem.. but other than that its excelent... keep the writing coming.. Ruth live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever...... |
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