Untitled(suggestions please???)

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tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

0 posted 2004-12-04 09:33 PM

Ok guys...well I've suddenly gone on this whole writitng streak, here's yet ANOTHER one, and please help me come up with a title?

I told you so many things,
Many things I know weren’t true,
I told you that I was independent,
And I could live without you.

The truth is I need you,
I need you more than you know,
But you don’t seem to need me,
Or at least you don’t let it show.

You made me smile,
When no one else could,
You took away the bad,
And gave me the good.

When I needed someone,
You always were there,
When no one else showed it,
You let me know you cared.

You were my support,
The only one on who I could depend,
When my world came crashing down,
It was you who brought it to an end.

Even when I hurt you so badly,
You still stuck by my side,
Sacrificing your heart again,
Sacrificing your pride.

Now you’ve crushed me,
Left my heart to die on its own,
Done what I’ve always feared,
You’ve left me all alone.

The tears are endless streams,
You’ve left me silently broken,
The hurt shows in my eyes,
With wordless sentences spoken.

Eternal wishing that this would go away,
That you’d still be that one I cried to,
But how can I do that when
The one who made me cry was you?

AIM-blueyed angel940
One day u'll ask which is more important,u or my life. I'll answer my life and u'll walk away never knowing u are my life.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

1 posted 2004-12-04 10:53 PM

I knew you would get rid of your writer's block! lol.
Another awesome write Erin! I can't even pick out a favorite part. I do love the metaphor in the second to last stanza though!

Anyways, I'm just looking through your quote page right now, just thought I would let you know. Really cool.

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

2 posted 2004-12-04 10:53 PM

I really liked this alot. I wrote a poem a long long time ago that this reminded me of.
As for a title, when in doubt, look to your own poem. Maybe 'Silently Broken'? That was in the 2nd to last stanza and it just kinda jumped out at me.
Great job,
thanks for sharing.

But Im comforted
by the fact that I can hurt inside
all I want to
without anyone ever knowing
~WinterWren~

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

3 posted 2004-12-05 10:07 PM

i absolutly loved this it almost made me cry because this is exactly how i felt not too long ago... keep writing i am looking forward to reading more!
LAURA

AOL IM: TEARSOFLOVE13762

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

4 posted 2004-12-05 10:44 PM

This is an awesome poem that I can truly relate to!  That, and it's a writing style that I like alot.   I know how it goes, feeling that way.  I'm even more drawn to this poem because drying  people's tears and soliciting smiles, even at my own detriment, has always been my thing.  So the last few lines of the poem had special appeal to me.  And though I can't dry your tears, I can always listen.  I still have a hard time sitting by when someone's hurting.  Well, I'm out, before I make more of a fool of myself.

                      -Rich
P.S. - As for a title, how about: "Left Alone"
Winamp Is Playing:
"Wasting My Time"
Default
The Fallout

"I'm burning in the heavens,
and I'm drowning in a hell.
And my soul is in a coma
and none of my friends can tell,"
  ~Take Me~ Papa Roach

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

5 posted 2004-12-05 11:57 PM

Thanks guys!

Alli-thank you so much, you always take time to read my poems and your replies always make me smile!

Laura-yeah poems have a way or reaching some more than mere words I guess, thanks for taking time to read it though, I'm sorry that you could relate on the other hand.

WinterWren-Yeah I think alot of people have felt this way sadly...but thank you for your comment, I really appriciate it and your suggestion for the title, I really like that idea and hope you don't mind if I use it! hehe

Rich- thanks! I'm glad you liked it! I'm also someone who loves to make others laugh and dry their tears, even if it means making a fool of myself or something. Thanks for your comforting words, they made me smile :-D

AIM-blueyed angel940
One day u'll ask which is more important,u or my life. I'll answer my life and u'll walk away never knowing u are my life.

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